Just can't wait

My sister and her kids came for a long weekend and they just left. I am sad to see them go, but I am also excited about what lies ahead for me and B.

Over the past few days we took the kids to various beaches in the area. The furthest one was an hour and a half away in the Outer Banks. Although I was not the biggest of hits to the littlest one, who is one and a half and really only wants momma, I can say for sure that B was a big hit with the boys.

He took my middle nephew out into the water and tossed him all around (wish I could, but my doc says no). When the littlest one saw him approaching, he would yell out "Ba ba!" and nothing made me happier to see that he was very well loved by all of the kids. Seeing him with a child perched on his hip just made me even more excited about our future.

To be sure, we heard enough blood curdling screams from the baby and C, and we know it will be hard, but I want it all. I want that, the messes, the joy, the laughs, the growth, everything.

I am now sitting in a quiet house as they make their way out to see some friends before heading back to Northern Virginia. The quiet is nice, but I also enjoy the sound of kids playing and laughing. I don't think anyone enjoys hearing a child cry, so I can't say I will miss that, but I will miss them, my sister included.

I am hoping that we can do this again next summer, only maybe next time we'll just rent a house in the Outer Banks and let everyone come and stay for the week.

One can only hope.

Water

I just thought I would post this in case anyone is reading this.

Please do not buy bottled water.

It's not just because of the plastic that's used, or the landfills that are filled because of them, despite recycling availability. It's because of the companies that are diverting drinking water in countries around the world for bottling water, a natural and free resource. The countries whose people cannot afford water tablets to make their drinking water safe are having their water taken away, and it's happening here in the United States too. Nestle, Coca Cola Co. and PepsiCo are all guilty of these practices. Water cannot be privatized. We need water to survive.

Please watch Flow: For the Love of Water for more information. I am in no way linked to the makers of the documentary, but I think everyone should see it.

Thanks

Nothing ventured

As you know, I am pregnant. What you may not know is that in three days my sister and her three kids are coming in town to stay with me. After she leaves, we are heading off to London and Paris! My dad is house-sitting while we are gone. These all sound good, except for one thing: I need a clean house for them to stay in. Does the pregnant lady want to expend all of her precious energy, which she is trying to store up for the next two weeks, on cleaning the whole house from top to bottom? I think not.

So on Friday I called up a local maid service and scheduled them to come to our house. I initially thought I wouldn't even tell B about it because a) I was going to do it anyway and b) I know how much he dislikes the idea of a maid. Eventually, I changed my mind, and on Sunday I told him.

He was at first in shock, and then he said he was walking away. So a few hours pass and I decide to make dinner (spaghetti carbonara). We sit down to eat, and he says he would like to talk. I agree, thinking that we'll talk about our trip. At first he starts off by asking what the maids will be cleaning. I tell him that they will be cleaning everything from top to bottom. He looks at me and says, "You know I'm not happy about this maid coming to the house." I looked back at him and said, "I know, but I'm doing this for me."

He then goes on to say that having a maid is lazy and pathetic, which then sent me into a dizzying spiral of unhappiness as memories of other people calling me lazy and pathetic crept back into the forefront of my mind. After he said this, I asked him if he was sure he was saying that I was lazy and pathetic. I figure he deserves a chance to take it back. Unfortunately he did not recognize this chance to save himself, and he said, "well, yes, it is lazy and pathetic." So, I got up and told him that my lazy and pathetic ass would be doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen now, if he didn't mind. I then broke into a full-fledged crying fest as I noisily cleaned the dishes.

So, the argument continued after he walked away and I finished up with the kitchen and sat down at the computer, still crying, still upset with him. I know I'm hormonal, but I know I didn't deserve that.

He came into the office where I sat, plopped himself on the sofa and just looked at me, as if he's challenging me to continue. So I ignored him and continued with what I was doing. Eventually I looked back at him and asked him, "Do you have something to say?" He shook his head and said, "I don't know where to go from here." I let him know that his words hurt me. He apologized, and then went on to defend why he disliked the idea of a maid. And it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.

He dislikes the idea because he thinks it reflects poorly on him; that he will be seen as too lazy to clean up his own house. Interestingly enough, the most I can usually get him to do is to vacuum, take out the trash and occasionally help out with dishes. That's it. Once in a while (every six months) he will take it upon himself to clean our impossibly designed shower (did the designers think about how someone would have to clean it at some point?). So really, he was embarrassed at his own shortcomings. I, however, recognize our own faults, am able to look down the road and see that I will need energy for our trip and my family, and work to find a solution. And the solution is embarrassing to him.

We continued on with our discussion, and he continued to tell me how he didn't like it. I informed him that no matter how much he disliked it, I was still doing it, for me, and that it had nothing to do with him.

Granted, it's not exactly respectful to do something that you know someone else hates, but I made the point that while he did not respect my reasons for having a cleaning service, I, in turn did not respect his wish to not have the maid to come at all; therefore, the maids were coming, like it or not. I am paying for it, he is not.

After a while, B finally put his private belongings away in the bedroom and conceded to letting them clean the bedroom.

As I sit here and type, I hear a woman busily scrubbing the kitchen counter and know that when they are all done, my whole house will be sparkling clean, and that will last for a good long while. I am also happy that I held my ground and did not give in.

Some things are just too important to give in on, and yes, my energy and well being are too important right now.

How to know when a kid has too much

Today I saw something that I never, in my wildest imagination, thought I would see at my school. As I left the school I saw a group of blue baseball uniform-clad 8 and 9 year olds standing in front of the school, surrounded by their moms with cameras saving each moment of this day. I could tell they were waiting on something. It was obvious that the moms had driven the kids up to the school as their cars were parked each and every way in the lot.

As I made my way around the kids and parents, I looked down the road and saw what they were waiting for. Its white metal and glistening chrome grill plowed its way down the street and pulled in front of the school. What was this white beast? A Hummer. A stretch Hummer. Those Hummers you see for weddings and proms, and the occasional New Year's party. That is what was picking up the kids to go their Little League tournament. A Hummer.

I wonder: is there any part of the moms involved in this grand scheme that wondered about the audacity and total ridiculousness of this spectacle? What Little League team needs to be picked up in a stretch Hummer? And quite frankly, when those boys are older, what will they do for their prom dates and weddings? Seriously!

Do they realize they are setting the bar impossibly high? It is for reasons such as this that I really don't even feel like trying to get the kids anything nice, because many times it never feels truly appreciated. I mean, come on, I can give gift cards to the kids for reading 15 Newbery novels in 4 months, but that's nothing compared to getting a ride in a stretch Hummer.

And really, that problem is only minor compared to what the parents are actually doing to those kids. Sure, we want kids to be happy and to have what they want, but did any of these kids say, "Mom, I want a stretch Hummer?" No, I doubt it. But did those poor unwitting parents plant the seed that will bear the fruit of ungrateful behavior in the future? You bet.

Here's the other part of this that I see as impossibly stupid: all of the parents drove the kids to the school to get in this Hummer. So not only did they use the gas and CO2 to get to the school, with the kids in tow, they opted to waste a shitload of money on a Hummer, and to use one of the most environmentally offensive vehicles in existence, simply for their own vainglory.

I love where I work, but really, sometimes I feel like I work in la-la-land. And this is a public school!

There's one other thing, too. I was raised in an upper-class family, although I had no idea we were upper class at the time, and my parents made sure we weren't aware of it. Although I pretty much had every toy known to Hasbro packed away in my room, I was also raised not to flaunt or brag about money. My parents never drove imported European cars. They drove Pontiacs because they were friends with a local dealer. To overtly show your money means that you are "new money," and were not raised with any class. Part of my outrage over this also stirs my own upbringing that says that to do such things is tacky and low-class. I also think you don't have to have money to know these things. I think no matter who you are, or how much money you make, flaunting it is tacky.

Am I showing my southernness here? Any southerner knows the difference between a redneck with money and a southerner with money. One is screaming and yelling and driving Hummers while the other has her grandmother's silver tucked away in a pantry for her own children to use in years to come, and hopefully it's all monogrammed (I love monogramming).

So I suppose on many levels, I am simply offended.

Newsie news

It's strange how what wives and husbands choose to communicate can be entirely different, and the timing of what they choose to communicate can be vastly different from one another. 

So I'll share my news because those who are reading this who know me, likely already know. For those of you who don't know me, well, I don't care if you know because I don't know you, and it's not like you're sitting around gossiping about a girl whose picture isn't even posted.

So, yes, I am pregnant! I'm nine weeks along now, and what's funny is that although B told his mom, he hasn't told anyone else on his side yet. Meanwhile, I would say that about 15 people on my side know. The funny part about B is that he wants to tell his best friend first, but here's the problem: his best friend has a 9 month old and they rarely see each other. When we did see each other, he couldn't find the right moment to share this with him. So it's become a running joke with us. How long will it take? Will it be January 6th, my due date, when he finally knows? Ah well, all in good time.

I say this as if I take it all in stride now, but no, I have been annoyed by this. I wish he would just go ahead and say it, hell, text it if he has to. Why? I don't know. Maybe it's that it's not a bad secret that we're keeping, and when B's friend found out they were expecting, he told us almost as soon as he found out, which is when his wife was only 4 weeks along, and that is really early. 

Sometimes B's indecisiveness and procrastination drives me batty, and then when it doesn't, I also know that with him, things just take time. Hopefully by January his friends will know. Ha!

The first ultrasound is on Tuesday. I hope everything is okay. Of course this is every expectant mother's worry, and I do think things are okay, but I hope I don't end up as wrong and mistaken, and having to delete this whole post in embarrassment and shame. 

A Few Thoughts

This morning as I prepared for the day, I went onto CNN and read about Colin Powell's fight with the Republican Party. In this article, Rush Limbaugh is said to have accused Powell of being outdated and out of touch with Republicans, and a has been that was part of the losers of the party. 

Um, am I missing something? Limbaugh has been blowing his pompous, ignorant wind for the last 15 years, at least, and at a time during which his party was in control of Congress, and later went on to nominate W and continue to secure a Republican majority in Congress. Losers? Maybe within the past three years, when the nation was tired of people like Cheney and Limbaugh, but I find it amusing that he is actually forgetting his own history with the party over the past 15 years. Maybe it was all of the prescription drugs he's been addicted to. In any event, someone's memory needs to be checked. Also, outdated and tired? Kettle, you are black as coal.

***

Today Obama nominated a female for the Supreme Court who is also Latina, and has more years of judicial experience than the other justices in the court at the time of nomination. While I read comments about her on the web, I found the following statement to be the most laughable: she's a judicial activist who believes that judges should made policy from the bench. Oh right, judicial activist=bad judge. 

But wait, here's a little secret:

Judges have, and always will, affect US policy. It's how our country works. If judges didn't take on this role, our world would be very different from where it is now. If they didn't, segregation would still exist. If they didn't, there are so many rights that could have been taken away long ago. 

I know many people believe the judicial system doesn't work. Maybe this is my semi-legal background talking, but I believe in the judicial system. Sure, some judges are wrong, but that's why there are so many jurisdictions and levels to move through, which is also why there are 9 judges on the court, and not just one. Thank God there are no juries at that level. Could you imagine a jury trying to decipher constitutional law? The thought frightens me. 

No, judges have a vital role in this country, and they have always been extremely important throughout our history. I want an activist judge because I want a judge who won't be afraid to say no to the president or anyone else. Their decisions should be based on law, and not personal opinions or favoritism. 

In recent years, my favorite case is the one in which the SC ruled that the Bush Administration could not  hold the Gitmo detainees indefinitely without a reason. I believe Scalia was the dissenting opinion (surprise surprise), but in this case, despite the terrible turn our country took, I saw, once again, the the court worked. In light of Bush v. Gore (which is the most laughable case), they redeemed themselves, in my eyes. 

So those are my thoughts for the day.

Reminder

Sometimes, as the days of school streak by like a high speed train train, I sometimes forget why it was that I got into teaching. 

I remember writing a mission statement when I was in grad school, and I essentially said that I wanted to teach because I wanted to make a difference in the world. I thought to really make a difference, then I needed to work in a tougher school. 

Well, things didn't really work out that way, and sometimes, as I look out at my kids, who are all fairly well off and sheltered, I wonder to myself just why I am doing this. Sure, I love what I do, but why? It's not for the summer vacation. That alone is not enough to make one endure the constant stresses placed upon a teacher on a regular basis. Today, I was given a reminder.

Each year I teach my students about civil rights and the civil rights movement of the 50s and 60s. For me, it is an especially important unit to teach because we still see the effects of that era today play out in neighborhoods across the country. As long as I have lived in Virginia, I am always shocked when I hear people use the N word when they think they are close enough to me to be comfortable. I am never comfortable with it, and it's because of what I learned about the era in which people were willing to risk their lives for change. I have never accepted people's reasons for using the word, as it is and always will be a hateful word, no matter who says it, black or white. 

Today I showed my kids a video that had news footage from the 50s and 60s that included the Little Rock 9, MLK, Malcom X, Rosa Parks, as well as the KKK, signs with words "Go Home N-----" written on them and cops with fire hoses beating back protestors. They also saw (after I told some to put their heads down if they didn't want to see) Bloody Sunday, in which police literally trampled over protestors with their horses. The kids were visibly shaken. I stopped the video and we talked about how they felt about what they saw, and many of them were upset.  

In addition to the footage from that time, much of it was about how the youth of that time were many of the champions for change, and how they made a difference. To close the lesson, I asked the kids how what happened then impacts their lives today. I had them write their thoughts and post them on the board. They didn't have to write their names, so they felt okay sharing what they felt. 

Although the kids were upset, I told them that it's okay to be sad about it, because it means that they care. 

The best part, for me, was that one student told me that in her neighborhood, someone had sprayed the N word on a sign. She said that people were staring at it, but they didn't know what to do. She told me that she now knows what to do: take down or clean off the sign. I told her to talk to her mom, but I thought it was a great idea. 

I'm sure I could be called a rabble rouser, but if there's anything I want my kids to walk away knowing after being with me for a year, I want them to know that it's okay to stand up for your rights, to always try to make a difference and sometimes choosing the right thing is sometimes choosing the hardest path to take.

And that is why I teach. I can make a difference.

The Ghost Locker

Today was the day for my students to learn how to open a combination lock as part of getting ready to go to middle school. Each student was given a lock with a combination, and they practiced opening their locks over and over again. At one point, the teacher leading the lesson told the kids that it would be a good idea to write down the combination when they go to middle school, in case they forget. Wise advice, indeed, unless you're afraid of someone getting a hold of it. As narcissistic as kids can be, this is why many don't write it down, and I was one of them.

My senior year in high school was probably the best year of school for me. Coming into my own and feeling more secure, I abandoned old ways of doing things in favor of less complicated, more relaxed ways, of which included ending my long trips to my locker in between classes. When my second semester began, I found that my locker was far away from all of my classes, and so I decided to carry all of my books in my backpack. Consequently, I also forgot my locker combination. 

I am usually really good at memorizing numbers (I still know my childhood phone number like the back of my hand), but because I went to my locker so infrequently even at the start of the year, the numbers faded away into the recesses of my memory, replaced by thoughts of guys I liked and what I would do with my friends that weekend. 

As the days and months of my senior year speedily flew along, I sometimes thought of at least going to clean out my locker, if nothing else. To do this, I had to go to the front office to get my combination, and I was too embarrassed to do that. Me, admit I had forgotten something? No way! So, I never went back. I still wonder, what was left in there? And for whoever got it next, what would they find?

The locker still creeps into my dreams from time to time. In a foggy stupor, I am looking for something, and that red locker appears, with my old binder laying at the bottom, with rotting food stinking up the hall. 

As a teacher, I realize that the locker was likely cleaned out by the custodians over the summer, but still, the ghost of that locker haunts my subconscious. 

It's funny how things from the past can haunt us, making us always wonder or feel guilt. In those fretful thoughts we imagine things to be much worse than they ever were. The power of the mind is an amazing thing.

When my kids grow up, I will be sure to tell them never to be afraid of making a mistake. It's better to deal with it then, rather than having thoughts about it years and years later. The guilt and burden borne by such thoughts are usually ridiculously overblown, and just not even worth it.

Wishes

So I know this goes against my previous rant of pop culture's obsession with celebrities, but I have a little thought on the whole stupid debacle with the couple Jon and Kate, of Jon and Kate plus Eight, which goes on from there. 

As I ate my dinner with B, I listened to the sensationalist headlines blaring from Entertainment Tonight. Among tonight's headlines were new allegations involving the couple of TLC fame. I thought a little bit about both the husband and wife, and I could honestly see how both of them could lose it a little over time, having 8 kids. But then, I thought that they did it to themselves.

They already had two kids. They wanted a third and had trouble, so she took fertility drugs, and lo and behold, sextuplets! I suppose the old adage, "be careful what you wish for" is entirely appropriate here. 

In many cases, couples use fertility treatments when they have tried for years and years to conceive, to no avail. I have a friend who was in that boat. She had a treatment done, and she had twins 10 months later. She is blissfully happy because she wanted them so badly and appreciates what she has now. 

For Jon and Kate, however, I believe that had they fully appreciated what they had with their first two children, they wouldn't have been compelled to seek treatment to conceive a third. Sure, they wouldn't have become famous, but maybe they should have been better people who had actually done something good to truly deserve their fame. 

No, in this case you have a couple that was lucky enough to have two healthy children, they had trouble with their third child, and rather than saying, "you know, we're lucky to have what we do, and we're okay to not have a third," they went and made things many times more difficult for everyone, especially the first two children. At some point those two children will question their parents' actions, as all people do.

As I continued to chew my salad and chicken, my thoughts wandered further to celebrities who continue to adopt children from "third world" countries. Thoughts of Madonna petitioning such countries to allow her to adopt, as well as photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt shielding their children from various paparazzi flashing their blinding bulbs, come to my mind. I wonder, why do they really do it?

Sure, it's easy enough to say that they want to help a child who will never have the same opportunities as a child from the United States (if it is in the right demographic and SES), but really, if they wanted to truly help, they would do more towards education, healthcare and sanitation (drinking water) in those countries. So if they aren't really doing it for the children's homeland, then why?

I believe it stems from many actors' underlying need for constant validation to fill their insecure minds. If you've ever known an actor, you have known a person who is at once, a lover of the spotlight, and at the same time, laden with their own insecurities, fueled by the skeletons in their closets.  Obviously this isn't true of all actors, but in the case of the actors who are relatively sane, they are also not the ones hopping around the world to adopt every child they find, whom they also pity (and by "saving" them, they are pumping up their own egos to make them feel as if they are better human beings).  Interviews may reveal a kinder, gentler celebrity who has been so good to do this for a child, but really, it isn't for the child. It's for the almighty ego. 

Also, if it were simply to help, then why didn't Oprah just adopt all of the young girls she met in Africa? Certainly she could afford it, but the countries from which the children come still have a future lying ahead. An uneducated society is a doomed society, that much I am sure of (and I certainly wonder about out own country's future). I believe it is better to build a school for the future, rather than removing the people from their homes.

All of this leads me in the way of questioning why many people choose to become parents. As the child of someone who used motherhood as a way to fill a long ago created emotional void, I have felt the consequences of being the daughter of a highly insecure parent. As kids like us grow up, we realize why they had us, and it isn't always a great feeling to have. 

As for me, I am going to be a parent because I want to be a mom. As a mom, I will have the amazing and frightening role of being the one to guide a child (hopefully) in the right direction, even though it's still all a crapshoot, when you get down to it. 

I am going to be a parent because I want my family to have a future. I want my days to be filled with sights and sounds of kids, of extreme amazement and frustration and everything in between. I hope I am going to do it for the right reasons. 

Maybe those aren't the right reasons. I'm not really sure what a good reason is, but I am pretty sure that doing it to fill a void is the exact wrong reason. And even though I had to go through hard times with my own mother, I am thankful to have been able to see the downside to doing things for certain reasons. The problem with trying to fill a vacuum is that it has no end. Nothing will ever fully fill it, and so everyone involved in the efforts suffers. 

Why?

Can someone please tell me why I am supposed to care about a singer like Rihanna, and whether or not she got her jewels back, or whether or not someone named Fox is into a Twilight star, or any other high school-esque issue?

Each day I go to the "news" online and intermixed with headlines about some real stories are headlines such as "Fox doesn't go for Twilight star." Now I am guessing that the news agencies are trying to capture a younger audience, but is posting it on their website really going to grab that attention? I say, know your market and your demographic, and stick to it. Because in reality, I seriously doubt there are many eighteen year olds going onto CNN.com to check their news. It's sad to say, but true, and interspersing real news with this crap is just plain annoying.