Monday, October 26, 2009

Nit-picking ourselves to death

Today my husband went home early to let the plumber in to work on a leak in the shower. Meanwhile, I went and got my H1N1 flu shot, as well as the seasonal flu shot. When we were both home, he told me that he read about how the two "wayward" pilots who landed 180 miles off course admitted to being on their laptops, which is why they missed their destination. As he's telling me this, I'm wondering, isn't this being a bit nit-picky? Not that the pilots should be applauded for missing their destination, but why all of the intensity of focus on their misdeeds? How many headlines have we read about a pilot being drunk, or a pilot killing his crew, that have made less waves than the "wayward" pilots? We read these headlines and they disappear just as quickly as they appeared. It begs the question, are we getting to be a society where nit-picking and over dramatization are becoming the norm?

On a daily basis, I cannot even count the many times I hear people complain about this minor issue and that minor issue. And really, many issues are minor, and not worth the energy used to complain. Case in point: assistant principal sends out an e-mail to myself and another teacher about how the kids cannot play outside for extra recess on Fridays because of an altercation with a kindergarten student (the K student punched one of our students). In the same e-mail, she states that the kids can play games in the room. "Fine," I think, and move on. Apparently others did not move on, and this became the source of disbelief and criticism of the assistant principal who sent the e-mail. In my mind, the bottom line is: the kids who deserve a reward will still get their reward, and no students will be punched in the process. Isn't that what's important? Is it really even worth it to send around e-mails about the situation that never really was?

To go back to the story about the pilots, here's what I see: no one was hurt and everyone made it back home just fine. Sure, it was cause for disciplinary action, but is this really something worth the media's attention?

As we continue to read similar headlines and judge each other for other actions, ask yourself, are you being a bit too nit-picky? Have you made things better by pointing out others' ineptitudes, or have you just sprayed your bitterness around for everyone else to feel? Really, take a good look. In my mind, it's the big picture that counts.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Almost 30 weeks

I am almost 30 weeks along! 8-10 more weeks!
There are so many things to look forward to, they are innumerable, but if I could make a short list of what I am looking forward to, beyond the implied baby, this is it:

1. Being able to look at normal person clothes again. I am thankful that so far the area where I have gotten the biggest is my tummy, and everything else is pretty much the same, give or take an inch (three in the buttocks area). So, I am looking forward to shopping for new clothes in the spring and summer. Yes, I admit, I do like to shop, and I appreciate my old body even more now. It won't be the same, but still.

2. Being able to go out for dinner and a drink or two, thanks to our sitter (mother-in-law) in waiting. She's a different kind of person, but I know having her available will be a huge benefit to us.

3. Having sushi again, at some point.

4. Going on my 4-mile walk in the spring--or for that matter, going on a walk without feeling like my lower ligaments are being pulled over my head.

And of course....

5. Opening a new chapter of our life. I'm the type of person to look at all of the difficulties of raising a child before I look at the positives, but I know there will be many bright spots to balance out the dark, and it will all be worth it.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Buster

When you're little, some things stand out in your memory as if they happened just yesterday. You remember the time, setting, words that were said and everything, except, maybe for exactly when it was in your childhood. The story of Buster is one of these memories memories.

Living on a farm has its ups and downs, just like any other place.

The minuses? No neighbors to rely on when something bad happens, such as a fire. If there's a medical emergency, you're better off driving twenty minutes into town to the local hospital, because there's no way an ambulance will get there any sooner. If you lose power, you are last on the list of areas to be restored. If there is an ice storm, make sure to leave your water running at a small drip, because the water will freeze over if you don't, and are on a farm, that can have disastrous consequences for both you and the animals.

The positives? Being surrounded by nature gave us a greater appreciation for the natural world around. Gazing up into the blue sky, I knew the difference in flight style between a hawk and a crow, and their calls. I've seen a group of deer gracefully hop across a cornfield as if they were crossing their own roadways, and there was no one there to disturb them. I've seen wild turkey hang out around the barn as if we were the great intruders. I know how to cross over a creek in a matter of minutes, where usually you see people carefully and shakily walk across, so as not to fall in. If you fall in? You get wet! Big deal. I've taken creek silt and spread it across my legs as if I were at a spa, and I have gotten stuck in the thick mud of a creek. I survived. The best part of all, in my childish mind, were the stray animals that would roam into our farm.

Dogs and cats were often dropped off by the side of the road by pet owners who no longer wanted them. When they smelled food cooking at our house, their noses and stomachs were led to our porch. We dutifully filled spare bowls with food and then had to decide what to do with these pets. Usually we kept them all, until we found a new owner; or we would adopt them as our own and take care of them.

One summer day, before I entered the fourth grade (I think), a golden retriever strayed onto our property. He was relatively young with a buttery yellow and thick coat. He was the idyllic family dog, in my mind. As with all of the other dogs who strayed to our house, he was tied up to a lead line (for a horse) and clipped to a hook on the side of one of the two back porches. The golden retriever was no different. We fed and petted him, and then tied him up to the porch.

One summer day, shortly after his arrival, my sister and I decided to go swimming. We walked across the long, thick grass and jumped into the pool and swam around for a few minutes. Suddenly we heard a dog yelping and shrieking. We looked over the edge of the pool toward the house and saw our new dog hanging from the porch by his lead line. My sister jumped up and ran toward him to save this dog from his imminent demise. He had wrapped the line around a column of the porch several times, and then decided to jump off of the porch. I followed behind my sister as she tried to save him. As she tried to unwrap him from the porch, she muttered, "Okay, buster....." and so our family dog, Buster, was named.

It should have been a sign of things to come; but we all laughed it off and thought, "oh that silly dog." In the coming months, Buster made it very clear that he did not like to be tied up, and come hell or high water, he would not be tied up, even if he had to pull the whole house down as he tried to make his escape away from the hook that bound him. So, to save the house from falling down, he was released.

Buster was a ravenous golden retriever. Whatever we put out for him as food, he devoured within seconds. It stands to reason that once his bowl was empty, he would search for food elsewhere, and that meant in the trash. Once we relented and let him run free, the trash cans were his first target. There was trash everywhere. There was trash blown into the trees nearby, food scraps (bones) littered around the house; it was a mess. But he didn't stop there. When he found what he wanted from our trash cans, he went hunting for more food at the houses over a mile away down the road. We got many phone calls telling of his adventures. We'd tie him up, and he'd almost pull the house down. We released him, and the cycle would repeat. Buster was a real buster.

As any kid would have, I loved that crazy dog. Aside from his misdeeds, he was loving and happy and never minded a good rubby-dub on his ears. For him, having his back scratched was the next best thing to finding a turkey carcass in the trash. I saw past all of his abhorrent behavior and never wanted to let him go.

A year and half passed since that fateful day on the porch. The phone calls from neighbors never ceased, and the porch where he was tied back would never be the same again. It was time, my parents thought, to find a new home for Buster.

Eventually, right around Christmas, Buster was adopted by a family with a station wagon and two kids to love him. I never said anything to the rest of my family about it, but I was heartbroken. If I had shown any emotion over it, I would have been reprimanded by my dad, and he would have said, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." (It took me years to accept that I do have emotions, and there's nothing wrong with it, and it also took me years to tell my dad that those words simply meant he felt guilty.) So on the Saturday afternoon when his new family took him away, I lain under the Christmas tree, gazing up at the lights and ornaments, and choked down a series of tears. The feeling always burned in my throat and chest, and its one that I associate with disappointment and heartbreak as a kid.

My dad saw me lying under the tree, and asked what was wrong. When I told him I was sad about Buster's departure, he was truly surprised. To him, the dog had been nothing but a nuisance. He had never even considered asking his kids how we felt about it. I suppose times have changed, and kids are now given more respect than ever, but at that time, what dad said is what was done, and that was that.

When I think of large dogs and golden retrievers, I often think of Buster. I often wonder if his new owners kept him, or if they gave him up as well. Whatever the case may be, I hope Buster got to live a long life, surrounded by love and laughter.

If my kids ever ask to get a golden retriever, I'm not so sure I would say yes, because I know the heartbreak of having to give up something that you love and have absolutely no control over.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

A Letter

Dear Belligerent Parent,

I see you sent me your warm and comforting e-mail at 2am. I suppose your e-mail took hours and several shots of Jack Daniels to compose to help you think of exactly the right words you needed. I know, I am a terrible teacher because I said your son needed a note for being out to go to Star Trek Conventions...every other Friday, and possibly Monday.

But here's what makes it okay: I only have to deal with you for less than 9 months this year. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life. I think I win, in this case.

Thanks,
Mrs. X


Friday, October 9, 2009

A Box of Chocolates and a Blue Plaid Blanket

A cousin of mine recently wrote a blog about her dreams of living in the country conflicting with the reality of her urban-ness. Her blog lead me to thinking about my life out in the country, and how despite people's preconceived notions of a simpler life, living out in the middle of nowhere is harder than most people could imagine.

Let's go back to January, 1990.

My sister and I were home on Christmas break, and an ice storm was in the forecast. Since a young age, I was taught to fear ice storms. They tore down power lines, sank 200 year old trees as if they were young saplings, and worse, had the potential to shutter your house in darkness for endless days. A side effect of this was food cooked on a kerosene stove. We had no clue we were breathing in toxic fumes, but we had small stoves for extremely cold and/or icy days. The food prepared on it never quite got hot, and from time to time it tasted like gasoline.

On this steel grey January day, we knew the storm was going to hit us hard. Mom and dad, as usual, were nowhere to be found, so my sister and I sat in her room listening to music when it happened. The lights went out and we sat in stunned silence of the storm. It was still daylight outside, but being the teens that we were, we didn't think to read; so we just sat there for a little while.

"What do you want to do? Want to play a game?" I asked.
"No....I don't know." she replied. For the record, my sister never wanted to play games with me. If she did, it was the result of persistent pestering on my part. (Maybe that's where I learned about the value of persistence.)
"Well okay. So what can we do?"
We sat in cold silence for quite a while, and decided to grab our new plaid blankets and wrap ourselves in them. We sat back down, she in her white upholstered chair, and I on the floor nearby. It was our routine. Suddenly, my sister started to stare at a gold Godiva box that sat nearby on a table.
"I know, let's just sit and eat chocolate."
Just sit and eat chocolate? My sister had lost her mind. But I thought it was a funny idea, and I laughed. She was dead serious though. She slowly unwrapped the clear plastic from the box, removed the padding and stared at the delectable treats waiting to be gobbled up on this otherwise terrible day.

"Which one do you want?"

I chose the dark chocolate ganache with raspberry filling. She chose a dark chocolate piece as well. We ate several pieces, and I was truly amused by her choice of activities for that day.
The day without power turned into night, and we continued to live without power for three days. What no one mentions about living in the country is that when power is lost, you are the last one on the power company's list for restoring power.

My dad finally made a desperate call to the power company. He told them he had a heart condition and they needed to restore power soon. He wasn't exactly lying, because he did have a heart attack the summer before, but we didn't feel good about his stretching of the truth. Within four hours we had power restored, and our Christmas tree was aglow again.
And the box of chocolates? I think you have to ask my sister about that.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Music to My Ears

Sometimes there are days where my work life and home life are mirror opposites of each other. I can have a great day at work, and then go home, and everything isn't so great. Today is one of those days, and coming up is my birthday. In about a month I'll have a baby shower. I am dreading both days for various reasons. I am not a person who looks forward to such days with hope. I learned long ago not to get my hopes up, and this year is no different. But when I think about what went well at work, it really epitomizes why I love what I do.

When my students came to me less than a month ago, they were not the most avid readers I had met. Last year, I felt guilty if I stopped my class from reading so I could teach a lesson. On some occasions I would even apologize for interrupting them. This year, I had more trouble getting the kids, especially the boys, to sit and focus on a book for more than five minutes.

Fast forward four weeks, and when I look around the room during silent reading time, I see all but one child engrossed in his/her book. In the beginning, the students chose thin books filled with mostly pictures, and now they are mostly back into chapter books. When I tell them they have ten minutes of silent reading time (books of their choice), I hear "YESSSSSS," whispered around the room, and they happily plunge into other worlds.

This week I began reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing to the kids. On the first day I saw many apathetic eyes watch me as I read, but I knew with my expression and actions as I read, I would get them into the story. Yesterday I saw more alertness in their eyes and stature. Today, before they came into my room, I told them I would read to them, and again I heard whispered "YESSSSSES," abound.

It's the groans that turn to yeses that affirm why I do what I do. It's a darkness that turns to light when I pull them in and take them hostage with a story. It's why I can feel valued and validated, even when I feel insignificant and unimportant in the rest of my world.

And now, I think I will go read.

YESSSSSSSS!