Passion

Back in 2001, I was laid off at my first job, which, in retrospect, was a blessing. At the time, however, my world crumbled. Granted, I didn't enjoy what I did, but I enjoyed the steady paycheck, and the idea that I was at the precipice of financial greatness. In one swift meeting on a Monday afternoon, all of that was taken away from me. And so it was that job hunting became a full time job.

One afternoon, I sat in B's bedroom looking and applying for jobs online. I had Oprah on, and coincidentally, it was about finding your passion in your work. To live a happy life, O asserted, you must follow your passion.

Eventually, within a year, I began the path that led to my passion, and I was lucky. The job I found was not anything I wanted to do as a career, but it was a job that was flexible enough for me to be able to go to grad school and pursue teaching as my career and passion. (I was also able to work on long papers that appeared to be copy, which came in very handy, especially at the end of my program when my final project was due.) I have loved it ever since. There are ups and downs, but they are all tolerable because I love what I do.

My husband, however, does not have passion for what he does. In fact, he's unhappy and wants to quit. We have gone through the troubleshooting sessions where we examine what his boss does, how he reacts, etc, but really, his boss just isn't a good manager, and it makes B very unhappy, which makes me unhappy. What to do?

I want to tell him that he needs to find his passion. But does he really? Have we all been sold this idea that the key to true happiness is a passionate job? Does your passion really have to be your work? And if it is, then sometimes, isn't it even more difficult to find balance in your life when everything in life is about work? I love what I do, but I have been known to work until after 10 on lesson planning and looking for just the right materials for my kids, and no, that is not exactly healthy. But, it's my passion.

I've recently started to think that having passion can be in areas other than in work. It's lucky to love what you do, but is love for what you do totally necessary? Do all successful engineers love their work? Did Neil Armstrong really love what he did, or did he just happen to have this opportunity given to him, and he took it? Does it really matter?

When I was in London, I observed many things. I am an introvert, but I notice many details about people and the way they behave. In particular, of all things, I noticed the janitors on the streets in London.

On Saturday in Trafalgar Square, there was a huge gay pride festival that lasted all day. B and I went to get food a few blocks away from the mayhem. When we left the hotel, the place had been trashed. Wrappers and empty bottles littered the streets and the stench of urine permeated my pregnant senses. I was glad to walk away. But when we returned, something interesting had happened. The whole square was clean. All of the trash was bagged up and swept away, and in the midst of the cleaning were the janitors doing their job on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and they were doing a fantastic job of it. I looked closely at the man nearest to me to see his facial expression. Was he pissed about the trash everywhere? Was he unhappy that his day was taken away from him? No. He appeared to be absolutely fine. He had a job to do, and was doing it, and doing it well. Had this happened in New York, I know he would have been cursing under his breath with a grimace that would make anyone shiver. But what's wrong with this guy? How could he be okay with cleaning up other people's trash and urine? It's surely not his passion, is it? Probably not. But, does it really matter?

Somehow in the past decade or more, we Americans have been sold on the idea that we have to follow our passion when it comes to work. And many of us have bought it and allowed its absence to make us miserable.

Tonight B and I had another long talk about his job. I had no real answers for him, and I confided that I had looked for jobs for him today. I also added a twist to the whole discussion. I looked at him and said, "You know, your job doesn't have to be your passion. You can be passionate about other things in your life, like traveling, food, family..." he said, "I know." I went on to add that he had a new passion coming in January (our child). His eyes lit up and he said, "I know. I just don't want to be unhappy at my job." Well, I can' t fix that, but maybe if we change perspective on this, the job won't matter as much, and maintaining the other passions will.

Because really, life isn't about work. Life is about life, and work simply pays for it. If you happen to love what you do, then great. If not, that's okay too.