The Woes of Pregnancy

I'll start off by saying that pregnancy isn't nearly as bad as I imagined it to be. My sister experienced what I perceive to have been hellacious pregnancies; constant nausea and vomiting, moodiness, all sorts of various side effects that made me dread being pregnant. To that extent I can most certainly say that I am so sorry my sister went through what she did, but I am also very thankful that I have not had the same experiences she had. I know, I'm only 23 weeks along, but all in all, I really haven't had it so bad.

Then there' the BUT....

But, when I feel badly, I really feel badly, and it isn't so much physical, but emotional. I'm not saying I walk around in a cloud of depression. I don't. But on days when I feel moody, all I want to do is get out of my funk, which I invariably do, and usually within the day.

The past 24 hours have not been fun. All at once, I have felt happy to have what I do, undesirable because of my expanding stomach, beautiful because of the changes I am going through and remorseful for experiencing mood swings that are on par with PMS for me. In short, I am a mess on some days. It sucks.

Today B and I went to Colonial Williamsburg and decided to sit on a bench in the shade, as the breeze cooled us off. He could tell I was "off" and I told him that I don't feel desirable. I feel fat and ugly, even though I KNOW I am not. He looked at me and said, "How can you feel undesirable? You're carrying our child! I don't see what says that you're more desirable than that." Well, that put me in my place. And, he's right.

So now I feel calm and relaxed, and quite pleased with myself for walking three or more miles around the area. Just now, B came in, grabbed the remote and turned the channel to one of my creature comforts: Friends. He said he thought I'd like that better than what was on, and he was right. I am glad I have him to keep me grounded as I go through this. I guess I should say, "as WE go through this," because this is a shared journey. Thank goodness I have someone to share it with along the way.