So on Friday I called up a local maid service and scheduled them to come to our house. I initially thought I wouldn't even tell B about it because a) I was going to do it anyway and b) I know how much he dislikes the idea of a maid. Eventually, I changed my mind, and on Sunday I told him.
He was at first in shock, and then he said he was walking away. So a few hours pass and I decide to make dinner (spaghetti carbonara). We sit down to eat, and he says he would like to talk. I agree, thinking that we'll talk about our trip. At first he starts off by asking what the maids will be cleaning. I tell him that they will be cleaning everything from top to bottom. He looks at me and says, "You know I'm not happy about this maid coming to the house." I looked back at him and said, "I know, but I'm doing this for me."
He then goes on to say that having a maid is lazy and pathetic, which then sent me into a dizzying spiral of unhappiness as memories of other people calling me lazy and pathetic crept back into the forefront of my mind. After he said this, I asked him if he was sure he was saying that I was lazy and pathetic. I figure he deserves a chance to take it back. Unfortunately he did not recognize this chance to save himself, and he said, "well, yes, it is lazy and pathetic." So, I got up and told him that my lazy and pathetic ass would be doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen now, if he didn't mind. I then broke into a full-fledged crying fest as I noisily cleaned the dishes.
So, the argument continued after he walked away and I finished up with the kitchen and sat down at the computer, still crying, still upset with him. I know I'm hormonal, but I know I didn't deserve that.
He came into the office where I sat, plopped himself on the sofa and just looked at me, as if he's challenging me to continue. So I ignored him and continued with what I was doing. Eventually I looked back at him and asked him, "Do you have something to say?" He shook his head and said, "I don't know where to go from here." I let him know that his words hurt me. He apologized, and then went on to defend why he disliked the idea of a maid. And it had nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him.
He dislikes the idea because he thinks it reflects poorly on him; that he will be seen as too lazy to clean up his own house. Interestingly enough, the most I can usually get him to do is to vacuum, take out the trash and occasionally help out with dishes. That's it. Once in a while (every six months) he will take it upon himself to clean our impossibly designed shower (did the designers think about how someone would have to clean it at some point?). So really, he was embarrassed at his own shortcomings. I, however, recognize our own faults, am able to look down the road and see that I will need energy for our trip and my family, and work to find a solution. And the solution is embarrassing to him.
We continued on with our discussion, and he continued to tell me how he didn't like it. I informed him that no matter how much he disliked it, I was still doing it, for me, and that it had nothing to do with him.
Granted, it's not exactly respectful to do something that you know someone else hates, but I made the point that while he did not respect my reasons for having a cleaning service, I, in turn did not respect his wish to not have the maid to come at all; therefore, the maids were coming, like it or not. I am paying for it, he is not.
After a while, B finally put his private belongings away in the bedroom and conceded to letting them clean the bedroom.
As I sit here and type, I hear a woman busily scrubbing the kitchen counter and know that when they are all done, my whole house will be sparkling clean, and that will last for a good long while. I am also happy that I held my ground and did not give in.
Some things are just too important to give in on, and yes, my energy and well being are too important right now.
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