Over the past few days, B and I have been dealing with a faulty refrigerator. Yesterday I spent my morning e-mailing our landlord and calling various repair places to get here ASAP. Although it was only 42 degrees out and we had our food on the balcony, time was of the essence. My pulse started racing and the tension within my body was palpable. As I'd been sitting there making calls and trying to get it fixed, he was sitting there playing a game on his X-Box (I swear there should be a phenomenon called X-Box Dads and Husbands). As he tapped the controller buttons and twisted his body while he tried to control his CGI race car, I stared at him.
At the end of his race, "Yes?" he asked. "Well, I'd like you to call M. I've sent him e-mails, but haven't gotten a response," I said. He sits there and continues to play on into his next race. "I heard you," he assures me. More minutes pass and I feel the pressure grow from within, and no, this isn't the baby moving downward. I continue, "I feel stressed. I feel like this is all falling onto me, and last night I was in a lot of pain, I think from stress from the week."
So he pauses his game and sends a text message to our landlord. (It's a good thing having a landlord who is our age.)
While we wait for the landlord's response, he continues on and says, "Why don't WE look for repair places." In this case, WE means YOU. Pressure rises, and I walk away. I go online and find places who can come on a Saturday afternoon, and relay the information back to him. He continues to play.
Over the course of the next few hours, we find a repair place and set up an appointment. In that time, he cleaned underneath the fridge, which was quite helpful, since I can't get down there in my current state. The night before, he had taken out all of the frozen items and put them in boxes to go outside, since it was 18 degrees that night. I should also mention that in that hour or two, I also let him know that I felt like he was perfectly content to let me sit and make the calls while he busily plays away. He agreed and said he'd rather not call anyone because he doesn't want to talk to people. Once the repair men came, he handled the visit from start to finish. Immediately my pulse rate lessened and the pressure I felt disappeared as quickly as it came.
Later on, B and I were talking as we drove back from a cousin's house. He said, "I'm a worker bee. I'd rather get into things and do things. I don't want to call people, but I don't mind getting dirty to fix things." He had also bought a saw to trim our new Christmas tree, and I could tell he really enjoyed it. Later that night, he also cleaned the freezer before putting any food back into it. I sat and thought about that and told him that I was a thinker, a planner. So for us, I'm the planner, and he's the doer. Plan it out, and then just tell him what to do, and he will do it, albeit in his own way. I'd say that's a pretty balanced pair.
In the future, I need to do a better job of remembering what our strengths are, so they fit in better with our roles within our house and life. Also, I need to remember this so when I feel my blood pressure rising, I can calm myself down more quickly. Perhaps it's hormonal, but I have felt this pressure rise ever since we began our journey together ten years ago.
Our big test and journey through self-discovery will come when the baby arrives. Remember: I'm the planner, he's the doer. Not to say that I don't do things to, but still, this it what it all boils down to. Also remember: breathe.
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