Why we do it

There are people in the world who question the sanity of anyone who decides to become a teacher. There are also those who question the sanity of anyone who wants to have children. I have friends who have no intentions of having kids and cringe at the thought of being in a classroom full of kids. So why do those who do such things do it? 

Well, my sister just blogged about dandelions in her yard and how much she loved them when she was a kid. To piggy back on that, I remember sitting in the front yard blowing dandelion seeds into the wind, watching them get carried away by a gentle breeze, wondering where the seed would land, and if it landed, would a new flower grow?

Today we took the kids on a field trip to the Mariner's Museum. On our return back, we had to cross the tunnel to get back to the school. As we traveled through the long rumbling tube, my team teacher and I sat and watched shadow puppets dance across the front of the bus as the kids held their hands against the light of the headlights behind our bus. We looked back and saw that all 50 kids had their hands raised up, hoping to make a new animal against the bus wall. P and I started to laugh. P said to me, "It's so easy to please them." As I watched, I remembered doing the same thing when I was a kid. I remember how something as simple as catching bugs in a jar made my whole day (that is, until I made a hole too big and I had fireflies in my bedroom), and how an ice cream sandwich at the end of the day was the best thing in the world. 

The reason why I do what I do really isn't that complicated. I love working with kids because they remind me, on a daily basis, to enjoy life. They remind me that there are simple pleasures in life, and we just have to remember that when life gets rough. Sure, kids can complain and they whine (which I HATE), but I love them because their demands are not complicated. They want love. They don't want toys and games and all this crap. They want us to love them. If that is all that is required, then I can give as much as possible for as long as possible. Kids want to have fun, and that fun doesn't have to be high octane, as many parents believe. Their pleasures are simple, and easily found. For them, there is joy and wonder in everything, even when they are ten. That's why I love them. 

I also love what I do because while intangible,  the rewards are great. There's a certain satisfaction that one gets when you model and teach and inspire, and you see their growth in ways that you can't ever expect, but when it happens, it is amazing. And the pride that you develop in your kids is immeasurable. I am so proud of them in so many ways, they will never know. And although I am not a parent, I can imagine the feelings might be similar. I guess one day I'll find out.

Now this is CLASSIC

I apologize to whoever this person is, but know what? Put your pics on the web, and this is what you get. Speaking of 70's clothes from JCP....HELLO 80's! Holy hell this is bad! I feel most sorry for the little girl in this picture. Big wind-swept-cyclone-hit-my family-in-the-head family, I am so sorry.

Proud Wife

I am a proud wife. As those of you who know my husband are aware, he is not always the most laid back person when it comes to change. Change is painful for him, and much is wrong with the world when life is changing for him. Moving to Virginia Beach has not been an easy transition. Leaving his old job and working for his new company hasn't been a cakewalk either. But, given my dysfunctional background (and my coinciding propensity for sticking it out when most people have already jumped ship), and knowing that he is a good person, I have endured him through good and bad because I know he is worth keeping. 

He can be painfully quiet. When he first started at his old job, he was so quiet that his friends suspected he would one day go postal because of his severe silence. Well, for someone who plays with data all day, this is fine, because the most important relationship he had back then was with numbers, and that was all that mattered. Now, being able to speak up when needed is more important than before. In the past year and a half, I have encouraged him to speak up when he says he's silent, to be bold and stand up for himself because there's a good chance that if he doesn't, no one will. These are truths I have learned. I try and share some of my wisdom with him, and I never know if it sinks in. Well, I think it just may be sinking in. 

For the past year, B has struggled with his new job. He hasn't struggled so much with his ability to do well. Hell, he got a raise that was double the company average. But, he has not been satisfied. He has wanted to help manage properties, and has instead been responsible for investor reporting. Apparently, though, he has been very vocal about making his ambitions known, even if his boss has other ideas for him. 

In the past three months, B has finally been put on a team that helps manage two corporate buildings, and they just bought another one in the same area, and guess who will be put on the team once the deal closes? Yep. My husband. I am so proud of him. He has made himself better known to the director of corporate offices by going above and beyond when he's asked to do something for the director. There is some sort of a trial or hearing that has to do with one building, and he was thinking of asking to go along, just to learn. I told him that if he didn't try, then he'd never know what could have been. 

Also, this past weekend I did a sort of counseling session with him, much like one I would do with a student, only this one was way longer. Basically we figured out that because he has actually more of a dominant person rather than passive, when he is put into a passive position socially and professionally, then he tends to withdraw himself from the situation. To fix this, I suggested that he try to initiate more with people, and once he does, he will be able to better control the direction of a meeting or social situation, and he will enjoy himself more. Obviously he can't do this all of the time, or else he would look pretty bad, but at least taking some initiative is better than none at all. Honestly, I didn't expect anything to change after talking, but over the past few days, it has. I guess I didn't expect it because I am used to children knowing what to do, and then doing the opposite, just because they are their own person. Adults aren't any different. But I think maybe that little session helped. I hope. Regardless, I have always told him that I know he will be very successful in his life. I have always believed in him, and I always will.  

Template Changes

I switched to lighthouses because, well, I love lighthouses. I don't know why. I think because they are unique in that they aren't seen everywhere. Now that I live on the coast, I love to see the lighthouses. I even have a miniature lighthouse! :)

The Right Thing to Do

My aunt is a model example of one who is at the same time benevolent and extremely frugal. She is able to save every penny that she can, so that in turn she can donate to a multitude of causes important to her. She is an amazing person and one who we can admire and bow down to, knowing that we are not so giving. But I'm trying. 

At my school, we have various fundraisers that go toward United Way. I donated a good amount to them to help their causes. I just donated money to the UN's World Food Programme, which is essentially the main source of food for millions of people around the world. I donated when the tsunami hit in 2004. I designated the gifts toward the tsunami relief. This time, we didn't specify which cause it would go to, because the need around the world is great. B chipped in too, because he could see that it's important to me. But still, I know I can do more. I know that there is great need in my own area. Fortunately, the United Way does help local charities, but what more can we do?

I considered actually joining the Junior League of Norfolk. I want to volunteer for local causes. The only problem is that during the school year I am so inundated with teaching that it's hard to fit that in too. Plus, I do feel like I am doing something for the greater good when I teach. I got into teaching mostly because I wanted to make a difference in other people's lives. Part of me regrets that I am not teaching in a high-needs school, because in my noble mind, I can do more for them, at least theoretically. But having met many teachers who have worked in high needs schools, I don't know how much one teacher can really do without the support of the child's community and home. Home is where it all starts. So what I think I need to do is to help with the community and home front. I cannot change perceptions of others, but I can do something to help uplift those who want to help themselves. 

In the meantime, I do feel that I am making a difference, even with the kids who have so much more than many. In my classroom I am trying to teach the kids that they can make a difference in their own community. I am trying to teach them to look beyond their own neighborhoods and be aware of what's going on in the world around them. I don't know if that message has been conveyed well enough by me, but I hope so. I really have no way of knowing, but I hope that I'm making a difference in that respect. I really think that if we can motivate kids to care, then our future as a global society will be that much better. And yet, I look at some of the teenagers today and I wonder how much hope there really is. And then I realize that of course, I'm sure that's how I was seen when I was young too. I actually think that we are raising kids to be more compassionate than our own generation. I hope that in my efforts they will try to make the world a better place. 

My only hesitation about joining the Junior League is of what others may think about me. There is a perception that it's just a bunch of women who do fundraising and have lunches. I've known women in the league, and I know it's more than that. Whatever it is that I do, I want to keep trying to make a difference. I know our little $50 to the World Food Programme is peanuts compared to what we can really do, but it's a start, right?

Remember when

As I sit at my computer, from my window I can see the sky change from amethyst to opal. The trees slowly fade from bright jade green to docile olive as the world fades around. 

When I was young, I would squeeze every single second out of the day, watching the sun slowly dip behind the Blue Ridge Mountains and feel the grass beneath my bare feet change from warm to cool silk. I could feel the spring air nip at my cheeks, reminding me that winter is never very far from any time in the year, and that no matter how hot and wet the Piedmont days would grow, a cool day was always off in the horizon. I would stay outside, running around the cool yard, illuminated by the floodlight and peering off into the black distance, listening for any cars or life out beyond my sight. 

The thought of what lay beyond the black horizon excited and frightened me. I could imagine a large black bear lumbering off in the woods, and I would picture a madman with long dirty hair and mossy green teeth gnarling at me, carrying an ax. Off in the distance I could hear animals walking through the fields, and long stems cracking beneath their feet. But no, they were madmen, axes in hand, bears lumbering off to get me.

I am now living in a city, but I will always be a country girl at heart, imagining the world beyond, dreaming of the extremes, and always wondering about the world beyond my own.  

~~~

Why I love him

I've been in a funk tonight, and B has been trying to make me smile. So he asked if I was on his blog. I said, "what blog? You don't have a blog." His response was "Yes I do! It's Barry's B-Q: great Pork Eateries of Minnesota." Of course I broke out into laughter. This is why I married him. 

I have to admit

That as each day passes and I see Hillary Clinton hanging on, sticking it out until the end, I am becoming more of a fan of hers than before. Everyone is telling her to drop out and save the party. Why? Fight until the bitter end, I say-both parties, Republicans and Democrats need to be changed around a little, as both are populated with extreme thinking on both sides, and as a centrist, it's hard for me to find a path to follow. Actually, I do know that the main reason this country is so messed up is that too many people do just party-line vote (I know people who are a certain party, but when you hear them talk, from what I've studied, they are so far from their so-called party's core ideology, it's not even funny, but they don't even realize it, because they have never known anything different), when they should vote on the issues, and whoever has similar ideas to mine, or if he/she has ideas that I like, I'll go with him/her, Republican or Democrat. 

I know, she's controversial and not liked by many, but you know what? Most famous people are. Who can we think of was loved be everyone and not controversial at all? I can't think of anyone, at least not anyone who's done anything big in life. We can act like that divisiveness won't happen with other candidates once they take office, but really, who are we kidding? So, I say fight on, hang on. In the end, she just might come out on top. I actually like McCain, but I don't want our troops in Iraq until 2013. If that's what he wants, then I can't vote for him. I also would like to hear about what he plans to do with the economy too, as all he mentions is terrorism and Iraq...that is, like, SOOOO 2004. :) 

The Next Big Thing

Okay, so we know that oil prices are hitting us hard. Bush went to Egypt to talk to the Saudi king about increasing oil production in Saudi Arabia, and told the king that his modest increase in oil production would only further the US's ambitions towards developing alternate fuel sources. OPEC has said that if we continue to seek alternate energy, then they would continue to restrict production....blah blah blah. Interestingly, none of this has ANYTHING to do with the price of oil right now. What does it have to do with? Traders on the mercantile exchanges in the US, not overseas.

Think about it: in the late 90s, we experienced a dot com com boom, and everyone put their money into stocks. Then the dreams of easy money came crumbling down. The market crashed in March of 2000, and a recession followed within the next year. True, it was a mild recession, but with the events of 9/11 and Enron, people began to bail out on investing. Where did they put their money? Housing. Enter the housing boom, which grew into a frenzy for overseas investors looking to get rich on what they were told was a guaranteed risk. Enter subprime loans being bundled into Mortgage Backed Securities (MBSs). Worldwide demand for MBSs grew to a frenzy and lending institutions started lending to people who were a high risk. I suppose in their minds they thought, so what if they're a risk? if they're a risk, they'll pay a higher rate, and we'll get a better return on our investments. Only trouble: people who are risky are risky because they are not stable and not responsible; otherwise, they would not be a risk. 

So, last summer everything began to unravel and the whole mortgage meltdown began, which is still extending its slimy fingers into every corner and facet of the economy. But wait! What about the investors? Where shall they put their money? Well, hedging their bets that the dollar would continue to fall and that political instability would give them cause to say that oil would cost more in the future, the stock speculators have been putting their bets into oil for a good long while....I suspect that prices are climbing not because of scarcity, but because, much like at the end of the housing bubble when people were trying to sell like crazy before the market slowed down, traders are pushing the prices higher because once Bush leaves office, it won't be as easy for people to make easy money off of oil. So while we all pay for this investment and the bet that they will make a fortune off their investment, I wonder: what's the next big thing? Of course, I do not know if what I'm thinking is true, but it's just a theory. I think I'm right though.

My prediction for the next big thing: alternative energy technology. I think much of the money that has been made from oil speculation will be reinvested into alternative fuels, which will do what? Increase the cost of food everywhere, as has already started to happen...but theoretically, if oil goes down, then that should offset the prices so we may not actually see an increase in food prices, but the prices will likely stay where they have been : painfully higher than in the past. 

Which then leads me to the great debate over our national economy. Will it be as bad as the Great Depression or will it be like the sucky time of the 70s, where stagflation was king? I happen to think we are headed back to the 70s in terms of stagflation, but the 70s did bring us some innovations, like smaller cars like the Honda Civic. Not everything was bad about the 70s...it just wasn't great. And although I barely remember that time, I do remember that times were definitely leaner back then. I remember Christmas presents being much more scaled back than when I got older. I remember my parents using powdered milk for me to drink because it wouldn't go bad, and it was cheaper. I remember everything being much simpler back then. True, I was only 3 by 1980, but my memory serves me well to remind me about a little of what it was like back then (I actually remember wearing diapers--they itched!). What I do know is that people suffer through worse. And if our world comes out of it a little cleaner and less destructive to the environment, then maybe the medicine will be better for us in the long run....maybe.

Plans and Goals

Plans:

1. Save enough money to put down 20% on a house--not just A house, but a house that we would be excited to buy, and not just resigned to buy. The days of no money down are gone--unless you want to pay much more in interest. 

2. This summer I will write a book, or at least get part of a manuscript together. Everyone asks me what I'm doing this summer. This is what I want to do. I can't do it during the school year. I can do it then. 

3. Continue to improve on my eating habits--no, I don't mean eating less. I mean eating less bad food. I'm not at all fat. I just want to be better with what I put into my body.

4. Get back into yoga. My arms need work (jiggle jiggle).

That's about enough, I think. ;)

GRRRRRRRR--yes, this is a complaint

So I talked to my dad tonight and I mentioned the fact that he never calls me, that I am always the one calling him. He said that he didn't know my schedule, or when a good time to call was. I said that if he calls my cell he can get me pretty much any time after 3, or at night after 7. Then he says in a defensive tone that he called me 4 times last week and never got me. Yes, he called my landline, which no one uses. I then ask if he left a message, and he said no. I said, "Well, how am I supposed to call you back if you don't leave a message. I don't have Caller ID." And then, it occurred to me the irony behind his actions. Here's the guy who has been known to bitch endlessly about how no one calls him, how he doesn't hear from his daughter(s), blah blah blah. I'm the one who calls about once per week, and he NEVER calls me, at least as far as I know, and then, when he has the chance to leave a message, he doesn't.  Hopefully he will know better next time, or I am going to have to tackle this head-on.

Pontificating on Complaining

I am not a complainer. Do I worry? Yes. Do I fear? Do I do everything in my power to make sure that everything that I have control over goes as smoothly as possible in my own life? Yes. Do I complain? No (except I do say I'm tired, but that's not so much a complaint as a statement of fact). My theory: what good does it do? Last night I was thinking about complaining, and the power (or lack thereof) of complaining. I have a theory that usually the biggest complainers are often the ones who never get what they want. And that's not because they are complaining that they never get what they want; rather, they complain to the point that whatever they complain about will become their bane. What am I talking about? Well, let me explain.

We have a lady who cleans our floors, vacuums our rugs and takes out the trash from our classrooms at the end of each day. Yes, she's a custodian. If I simply stated that that's all she is, then I'm doing her a disservice because she is a grandmother, and a very nice person too. She does the stuff that the rest of us don't want to do. She is also supposed to dust in the room. For a custodian, I think that's a bit much. She isn't my maid, and I can clean my desk for myself, thank you very much. I only know she's supposed to dust because several teachers on my hall COMPLAIN vociferously about her cleaning skills and how woefully inadequate they are. The interesting thing is: she dusts my room. I know because the items on my desk are usually a little off kilter when I come in the room, and I can see where there is a clean surface instead of a dusty plain. Have I every complained to anyone about it? Nope. And week after week, my room sparkles. I suppose that those who complain think she won't ever find out who's complaining, but she obviously does. Either that, or there's another force out there to get the women who don't appreciate what they do get, and only see what they don't get. I happen to think that because I always talk to R and have even given her desserts and had her bring in fresh crab to me, and because I have never once complained about her, I have gotten what I would like to have. I don't necessarily need her to dust, but it is nice of her. 

Another story: last summer B and I went to the Bahamas for our honeymoon. Down in the Caribbean, life is much slower. When you go, don't expect your food immediately, or the bus to come with the snap of a finger. No, you have to adjust to THEIR way, not vice versa. I believe this concept is lost on many a tourist. Having worked in a theme park, I try to be a good tourist, not complain and be a good representative of my home country. I know how US tourists are viewed, so I try to not be that way at all. 

So, on our next to last night there, we went to this fantastic restaurant that was highly recommended by websites and tour books alike. Of course, on the one night we happened to go, the head chef was off because he got married that day. Certainly one couldn't be mad about that, right? Well, yes, actually, if your food takes a long time to arrive, and if you are impatient and fail to realize that you are in their home turf, and you have to just go with the flow. So, long story short: we ordered their very popular dish. Every thing came out on time and was delicious. Meanwhile, one couple sat next to us and waited for their food the entire time we were there. Did I feel badly about that? Yes. But did I think they got what they deserved? Absolutely, for the entire time the husband sat there and complained to his wife, the waitstaff, management, you name it. If he thought they'd listen, he would complain. He even had the audacity to complain about the head chef choosing to get married on a Saturday. Why couldn't he have gotten married during the week? the man asked. I could not believe what I was hearing. I listened as I happily ate my food. I have no idea if just being pleasant had anything to do with it, but I do think it shows that sitting and complaining and making everyone miserable is NOT the way to go. 

Granted, I realize I am inadvertently complaining about complaining, but at the same time, I do think there is something to be said about patience and putting yourself into someone else's shoes. Really, think about it: when we complain to our spouses that maybe we don't have enough time with them, or they aren't doing XYZ, does it actually improve the situation, or have we just stirred the pot and made the situation very unpleasant? Is there a way to state how you feel without saying "You don't this" and "You don't that..."I think so. Much like teaching and being with kids, yelling at them about what they didn't do and all of that rarely makes the kids WANT to do what you are yelling about. What they want is for us to shut the hell up, so they comply, just to get us out of their hair. Does that really work, in the end? Does the actual habit improve, or is the compliance only temporary? I have found that what works best is using a calm tone and quieter voice. Somehow the quiet tone is more effective, and I get far better results from talking things our rather than raising my voice. Wisened  veteran teachers (who are also moms) swear by using this method. I now see why. It's also a great thing to do with B, too. Of course, we have all yelled from time to time. Anyone who says they haven't is lying. But, I think it's good to be aware of such things.

Anyway, I just wanted to type out my thoughts. Thanks for reading!

Giving up the cow

So I have decided to stop eating dairy, or minimize it as much as I can. I know, boring, but this is a lot harder than it sounds. Why am I doing it? Well, I think there may be a link between my dairy consumption and my skin dilemmas. Basically, from what I've read, if a cow is nursed when she is pregnant, then the progesterone she produces is in the dairy products. Progesterone increases acne, which is why women who get acne often get it after ovulation as that is what's needed to make a healthy womb, if conception takes place. So, I'm going to try and reduce if not eliminate it and see what happens. 

So, no more: 

-ice cream (that's okay--B will eat it)

-yogurt

-string cheese

-milk

-cheese

This is okay, because I actually used to eat a lot of soy-based dairy alternatives, but I stopped...time to get back on track. And time to make sure I take my calcium supplements. Sigh. Hope it goes well. If not, bring on the cow. 

I'm wondering though, if progesterone is in dairy products, then wouldn't it also be in beef products too? That's not a big deal for me, as I rarely eat beef, but still, I wonder.....I also wonder if there is a link between the hormones in animal byproducts and hormonal imbalances in people, which can cause a myriad of conditions, including depression, obesity, PCOS, etc. I wonder.....shoot...should have been a Biology major so I could actually research these questions. :)

Best quote EVER

From CNN on Mariah Carey's sudden marriage to 27 year old Nick Cannon. Says Nick: "'To me rings are special and exciting, but tattoos mean more than anything. They're forever and ever. They professed our love."

Well now. I guess B and I should've gotten tats instead of rings. Damn. I just KNEW we were uncool and unromantic. :)

I'm so Excited

Our new iMac came today and I am currently typing on it. So cool. Just about like a notebook, but a huge screen and tiny keyboard. Love it. :) Better go....B wants to play on it. I have, in my 5 mins figured out a few things to show him, so I think he'll be psyched. 

Badge of Honor

So today was the first time a big kid tried to punch me (and it wa svery much like a two year old trowing a temper tantrum). It is now a badge of honor. I didn't flinch. I simply backed away and let a male PE teacher intervene....the child who attempted to hit me (because I told him that punching another student was not acceptable) then took off running and proceeded to chase the student he had just punched. That is until the head PE teacher sacked him like a football player.

The student is what we call "emotionally disturbed," which in the private world of psychologists just means "crazy." It's amazing what constitutes ED. If you hear voices in your head and are technically schizophrenic, you are labeled as ED...so yeah, it just means crazy.

The funny thing is that before I started teaching, I took all of the labels very seriously and was trained to use person first language...so instead of saying a "crazy person," I would say "a person with craziness," thus placing the person (patient) first ahead of the label. I took this all very seriously, and I still do when I need to be appropriate. I didn't realize what "ED" really meant until my first year of teaching.

Usually I liken the first month or two of teaching to the diagnosis stage of teaching. Much like a doctor, I receive students with a myriad of conditions including emotional hypersensitivity and perfectionism to borderline mental retardation and psychopathy (yes, really). Unless those students are identified as "special needs" the first month or two is spent assessing and diagnosing and then giving the appropriate accommodations, whether it's remediation or enrichment. I have never had special education students, so I spend my first months diagnosing all of them.

In my very first month of teaching I had a student who, from the outset, did not appear to be normal. His physical attributes indicated to me that there could have been a biological condition which caused the lids of his eyes to form inappropriately. He did not know what his name looked like and his voice was not a natural child's voice. Being new to the school I was not aware that this little boy was the youngest of 5 children.

One day I sat down with the school counselor to discuss the student. She informed me of this little boy's troubled background, including a father who was in prison and a biological father who had committed suicide. His older brother was 4 years older, and according to the counselor, who is a psychologist, was just plain crazy. The counselor's frankness took me back and also made me laugh. I never thought a counselor would use those terms, but in all honesty, now I know "crazy" is a ubiquitous term in the psychological world.

Today after the boy who tried to punch me was sacked by the PE teacher one of the assistants asked me what was wrong with the boy. I just looked at her and said, "Well, he's crazy. This is what crazy people do." She just nodded and said, "yeah, I guess so." At least he doesn't smear poop on the walls in the bathroom like my ED student from last year. He also stabbed another student in the butt...but poop smearing was his favorite pastime. Sad part is that that's a sign of molestation. Poor guy. I'm still not sure how many people are born crazy, and how many people become crazy through the events of their own lives. But I do know that in both of these boys' cases, they will be on the news one day, and not for good reasons. And in both cases, when we tried to send them to a hospital for treatment, the parents refused, and the kids were allowed to stay in school.

Don't get me wrong. I love what I do...but these are the parts that give me my stripes--my war stories. Proudly I march on. :)