Me being me

Last night B and I went to a holiday party at a co-worker's house. Her house is gorgeous. She's an art teacher who's married to a military officer, who is currently in Afghanistan for 7 months, and apparently he is paid well for risking his life. (I do support our troops being in Afghanistan.)

Anyway, as I mingled with B for about an hour before leaving, I was judging people's moods, as if to see that everyone was okay. It wasn't a forced effort, just something I do, and it's something I have always done. It's a natural instinct that I have, but in a couple of people's cases, I felt as if all was not well for a few of the people there, and of course today I am hoping that everything is okay. I could be completely wrong about my analysis, but usually I can tell, either through facial expression or body language, that everything isn't okay. It could just be that they didn't want to be there, or that something else was up, but here I am wondering if they are okay.

I think sometimes I wish I could just take everything as it is and not question what I'm seeing. I guess when I see that something is contrary to the norm, I wonder what's going on. Maybe it's just me, and maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there, but I wish I could just not worry about it and not question it. I think life would be much simpler that way. In the meantime, I'll check in with my friends when I get back to work.

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Actually, I think I know why I do it. I grew up with a mother whose mood would change instantly, for no apparent reason. Such is the life of a person growing up with someone who is bi-polar. I learned to judge the mood of another person quickly before talking with them, because I learned that not to do so would be like walking into a minefield. Of course, everyone isn't my mom, but I think it's why I automatically try to discern how someone is before approaching them. Usually I kind of watch them from a distance after I've said hi, and I watch their natural disposition, which tells me if something is wrong. If everything seems fine, then I'm not worried. But when I see something is not right, then I worry.

I think what I need to do is stop treating everyone as if they are a patient for me to fix. I know I cannot fix, but I guess there's nothing wrong with checking in on someone to make sure everything is okay.

I can say one thing, usually I am right when I think something's wrong. And for some reason, I can bring tears to someone's eyes faster than you can say "cry." I guess they feel safe when they're with me, and it's okay to let down your guard, but sometimes it's hard to see so many people get upset. I hope I'm doing the right thing by getting them to talk. Last year my team teacher called me her therapist. On the flip side of it, it can be exhausting to be in that position. But I guess that's just what I do, and it's just me being me. :)