Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Throwing in the towel
Last week I was at my wit's end with trying to teach a student how to add and subtract fractions with uncommon denominators. I had been teaching how to do it for two weeks, and yet, when she tried, she had no clue what to do. It came to the point where I was helping her so much that I was ignoring the other kids, to no avail.
Yesterday I got the feeling that she was starting to get it. I saw her correctly pick a common denominator for 7 and 5, but I wasn't sure if she did it herself or looked onto someone else's paper (which she does). I also told her that she was on her own, that I wouldn't do it for her. She is very much coddled by her parents, so much so, that she is impaired by them doing everything for her. If I could liken it to anything, it's like riding a bike with training wheels on when you've been riding a bike for years; at some point, the wheels need to come off, and they need to try it on their own, even if they fall at first.
But today, lo and behold, the child actually got it. We reviewed for a test on fractions today using dry erase boards, which the kids love. They love the colors they use, the sense of urgency and the perceived creativity involved. As I wrote problem after problem on the board, I watched her work, and she was actually getting it. When she solved the problems, she held them up to me and showed me her work, and I gave her a big smile and thumbs up. We wrapped up our problems and got ready for lunch, and I could tell she was excited. As we walked down the hall, she asked me if she could do more problems, because she was finally getting it. Of course I said yes.
Kids can be so frustrating, and I know that many teachers give up long before some kids have the chance to understand. Although I had mentally resigned myself to the fact that she may not get it, I never gave up on her, although I was close to it. Today was finally the reward.
Yesterday I got the feeling that she was starting to get it. I saw her correctly pick a common denominator for 7 and 5, but I wasn't sure if she did it herself or looked onto someone else's paper (which she does). I also told her that she was on her own, that I wouldn't do it for her. She is very much coddled by her parents, so much so, that she is impaired by them doing everything for her. If I could liken it to anything, it's like riding a bike with training wheels on when you've been riding a bike for years; at some point, the wheels need to come off, and they need to try it on their own, even if they fall at first.
But today, lo and behold, the child actually got it. We reviewed for a test on fractions today using dry erase boards, which the kids love. They love the colors they use, the sense of urgency and the perceived creativity involved. As I wrote problem after problem on the board, I watched her work, and she was actually getting it. When she solved the problems, she held them up to me and showed me her work, and I gave her a big smile and thumbs up. We wrapped up our problems and got ready for lunch, and I could tell she was excited. As we walked down the hall, she asked me if she could do more problems, because she was finally getting it. Of course I said yes.
Kids can be so frustrating, and I know that many teachers give up long before some kids have the chance to understand. Although I had mentally resigned myself to the fact that she may not get it, I never gave up on her, although I was close to it. Today was finally the reward.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A Thought
Many people pride themselves on their ancestors who did the good things in history. People even fake their own family trees to prove their worth to others. I think it's also a good idea to remember not just the good ones, but the bad ones too. If we choose to ignore these facts, then do we not risk falling into the same pitfalls that even the bad ones succumbed to? I happen to think so.
I have been spending some time piecing together my family tree on one side of my mother's family. I know much about another family, but far less about the other side (my great grandmother's side). In that line I have discovered many interesting facts, but within those ancestors, some of them had notorious tempers that are legendary to this day. Thankfully there are enough centuries to dilute this predisposition, but I know I have it, to a certain degree. I also know of others' misdeeds, and I am hoping it will make me all the more wiser as I grow older.
There is, of course, a good thing about free will. It says that no one person is destined for any set course in life, and I am quite thankful for that. Because of my mother, I always thought I was screwed, more or less. And then, one winter, I decided to read Steinbeck's East of Eden, which essentially changed how I viewed my life and my family.
The main point in the book is that neither your parents, nor anyone else, truly determine your fate. We always have choices in life. The choices we make are what set the course for our own lives, and no amount of bad parents or ancestors can change that. But knowing what others have done, and putting them in equal weight with the good can, I think, help with the choices to be made.
Timshel. (Don't know what I mean? Read East of Eden, and you will.)
I have been spending some time piecing together my family tree on one side of my mother's family. I know much about another family, but far less about the other side (my great grandmother's side). In that line I have discovered many interesting facts, but within those ancestors, some of them had notorious tempers that are legendary to this day. Thankfully there are enough centuries to dilute this predisposition, but I know I have it, to a certain degree. I also know of others' misdeeds, and I am hoping it will make me all the more wiser as I grow older.
There is, of course, a good thing about free will. It says that no one person is destined for any set course in life, and I am quite thankful for that. Because of my mother, I always thought I was screwed, more or less. And then, one winter, I decided to read Steinbeck's East of Eden, which essentially changed how I viewed my life and my family.
The main point in the book is that neither your parents, nor anyone else, truly determine your fate. We always have choices in life. The choices we make are what set the course for our own lives, and no amount of bad parents or ancestors can change that. But knowing what others have done, and putting them in equal weight with the good can, I think, help with the choices to be made.
Timshel. (Don't know what I mean? Read East of Eden, and you will.)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Today
Was a historic day, and since I have written about it my journal, I am refraining from writing about it right now.
I just have a few observations to make:
1. The first black president. After the Civil War, as per the 15th amendment, blacks (yes, I call them as such b/c they do not call themselves African Americans--just ask), were given the right to vote. As history tells, several states sought to block the amendment through the creation of the Black Codes during Reconstruction, which later became the Jim Crowe laws of the late 1800s. But that didn't happen in every state, and in others, blacks could vote. It wasn't until 1920 when women finally had the right to vote through the passage of the 19th amendment (how I remember this: 18th: Prohibition, 19th women in 1920, 20th overturned the 18th). So yet again, women are put back, again. To be sure, I am thrilled with the outcome of the election, but next time, either in 2012 or 2016, a woman should be president. Let's not wait 50 years for this to happen.
2. As I type, it is all over the news that Ted Kennedy had a severe seizure during the presidential luncheon. And, in the vampire-like ways of the reporters, they pounced on everyone who was in the room, seeking answers, looking for an angle which would make their report compelling. Enough! The senators who have been interviewed said that the attendees want to be respectful to Senator Kennedy, but it appears that, once again, the reporters are deaf. Leave him alone! If it were me, I would want to respect he and his family and get the details later. We are an apathetic nation because reporters want everything to be controversial and ratings grabbers at all times. I think for the nation to become more sensitized, they need to cut it out, and stop exploiting everyone's misfortune for their own self-interest. It sickens me.
I just have a few observations to make:
1. The first black president. After the Civil War, as per the 15th amendment, blacks (yes, I call them as such b/c they do not call themselves African Americans--just ask), were given the right to vote. As history tells, several states sought to block the amendment through the creation of the Black Codes during Reconstruction, which later became the Jim Crowe laws of the late 1800s. But that didn't happen in every state, and in others, blacks could vote. It wasn't until 1920 when women finally had the right to vote through the passage of the 19th amendment (how I remember this: 18th: Prohibition, 19th women in 1920, 20th overturned the 18th). So yet again, women are put back, again. To be sure, I am thrilled with the outcome of the election, but next time, either in 2012 or 2016, a woman should be president. Let's not wait 50 years for this to happen.
2. As I type, it is all over the news that Ted Kennedy had a severe seizure during the presidential luncheon. And, in the vampire-like ways of the reporters, they pounced on everyone who was in the room, seeking answers, looking for an angle which would make their report compelling. Enough! The senators who have been interviewed said that the attendees want to be respectful to Senator Kennedy, but it appears that, once again, the reporters are deaf. Leave him alone! If it were me, I would want to respect he and his family and get the details later. We are an apathetic nation because reporters want everything to be controversial and ratings grabbers at all times. I think for the nation to become more sensitized, they need to cut it out, and stop exploiting everyone's misfortune for their own self-interest. It sickens me.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
2009
As 2009 approached, several of my friends looked forward to the year with hope and optimism. In general, I am hopeful and optimistic. Unlike my friends, the coming year settled into my stomach like a knot waiting to be pulled apart. It hasn't gone away, and for all of us, I think it's really time to hunker down and brace ourselves, for the storm has not passed, and will not pass for some time, I'm afraid.
I think in some areas, the stock market actually, I think things will sputter along as they have, but the losses for corporations have been built into many analysts' forecasts, and so although the market won't be anywhere near the highs of 14,000, they will likely stay in the ranges where they are now for sometime. I could be wrong though, because the market is erratic and unpredictable, and will crash when good news comes out.
I do think everyone should keep their eyes on Bank of America, who posted huge losses after the acquisition of Merril Lynch. It turns out that BOA's CEO, Lewis, did not want to go through with the deal, but both the Fed and the Treasury department pleaded with him not to walk away from the deal. This is why BOA has gotten two bailout infusions since October, when the deal was hastily announced. I think everyone should watch BOA because they are the largest bank in the country. If they fail, then there will be no one to buy them out. They are simply too big. Back when I worked for a financial firm, I was very interested in Mergers and Acquisitions, and essentially, if a company bought them out (although why would they, when they are carrying Merril's toxic assets), they would have to sell off a large amount of their deposits, so as to avoid a monopolistic venture...and quite frankly, who has the cash to take them on? Not only do they hold Merril, but they also have Countrywide, one of the main culprits behind the subprime mortgage crisis which spawned the situation we are all in now. I thought it was a big mistake to take on Countrywide, and now they have the mess of Merril. Thankfully the government realizes that they put BOA in that position, so they will be propped up. What is the long term consequence of this? I don't know what the lawyers have drawn up in the contracts, but if BOA is smart, they should sell off those two arms of the company as quickly as possible.
The most jarring aspect of the recession is the sheer number of jobs that are being shed. Companies do this to survive, but I wonder, should they all survive? If they were dependent on a consumer base that could not be sustained in times of a contraction, then did they really have a viable business plan to begin with? I remember my father once told me that with companies, either you grow or die. That assumes that all variables remain constant, which we know they don't, in which case most companies will fail. What will be there to take the place of those jobs? I know Obama has plans, of which I support, and I hope for our sake that they work. Otherwise, this isn't just a recession....
****
Yesterday we finally got our sofa. In these economic times, we feel guilty for making such purchases, but at the same time, neither B nor I subjected ourselves to the risks of the past six years, and so we are healthy, financially speaking. Also, that one purchase helped out many people. We helped the sales lady who made the commission. We helped the city and state by paying the sales tax, which helps them with their revenue. We helped the owner of the store, the leasing company who owns the building (if the owner does not already own it), the people who made the sofa, the growers who grew the sustainable wood (we checked into that part), and all of the states and cities involved with those aspects. So for those reasons, I do not feel guilty at all, because I know that in our own way, we helped many people. Next on our list: buying two chairs from IKEA. No, it's not US based, BUT, the delivery people are local, taxes are applied, and we can't act like Sweden doesn't provide us with any lending. So, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And while we wait for the bottom to hit with housing, we have a comfy home with furniture that actually looks like adults, and not recent grads, own.
Oh, and everyday I also thank God for the blessings we have. I know how quickly everything can change, and I also know that we are not immune to any of what's going on.
I think in some areas, the stock market actually, I think things will sputter along as they have, but the losses for corporations have been built into many analysts' forecasts, and so although the market won't be anywhere near the highs of 14,000, they will likely stay in the ranges where they are now for sometime. I could be wrong though, because the market is erratic and unpredictable, and will crash when good news comes out.
I do think everyone should keep their eyes on Bank of America, who posted huge losses after the acquisition of Merril Lynch. It turns out that BOA's CEO, Lewis, did not want to go through with the deal, but both the Fed and the Treasury department pleaded with him not to walk away from the deal. This is why BOA has gotten two bailout infusions since October, when the deal was hastily announced. I think everyone should watch BOA because they are the largest bank in the country. If they fail, then there will be no one to buy them out. They are simply too big. Back when I worked for a financial firm, I was very interested in Mergers and Acquisitions, and essentially, if a company bought them out (although why would they, when they are carrying Merril's toxic assets), they would have to sell off a large amount of their deposits, so as to avoid a monopolistic venture...and quite frankly, who has the cash to take them on? Not only do they hold Merril, but they also have Countrywide, one of the main culprits behind the subprime mortgage crisis which spawned the situation we are all in now. I thought it was a big mistake to take on Countrywide, and now they have the mess of Merril. Thankfully the government realizes that they put BOA in that position, so they will be propped up. What is the long term consequence of this? I don't know what the lawyers have drawn up in the contracts, but if BOA is smart, they should sell off those two arms of the company as quickly as possible.
The most jarring aspect of the recession is the sheer number of jobs that are being shed. Companies do this to survive, but I wonder, should they all survive? If they were dependent on a consumer base that could not be sustained in times of a contraction, then did they really have a viable business plan to begin with? I remember my father once told me that with companies, either you grow or die. That assumes that all variables remain constant, which we know they don't, in which case most companies will fail. What will be there to take the place of those jobs? I know Obama has plans, of which I support, and I hope for our sake that they work. Otherwise, this isn't just a recession....
****
Yesterday we finally got our sofa. In these economic times, we feel guilty for making such purchases, but at the same time, neither B nor I subjected ourselves to the risks of the past six years, and so we are healthy, financially speaking. Also, that one purchase helped out many people. We helped the sales lady who made the commission. We helped the city and state by paying the sales tax, which helps them with their revenue. We helped the owner of the store, the leasing company who owns the building (if the owner does not already own it), the people who made the sofa, the growers who grew the sustainable wood (we checked into that part), and all of the states and cities involved with those aspects. So for those reasons, I do not feel guilty at all, because I know that in our own way, we helped many people. Next on our list: buying two chairs from IKEA. No, it's not US based, BUT, the delivery people are local, taxes are applied, and we can't act like Sweden doesn't provide us with any lending. So, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. And while we wait for the bottom to hit with housing, we have a comfy home with furniture that actually looks like adults, and not recent grads, own.
Oh, and everyday I also thank God for the blessings we have. I know how quickly everything can change, and I also know that we are not immune to any of what's going on.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Learning Everyday
Adjusting to the move to Virginia Beach has not been easy. After over two years of getting accustomed to the area, I am starting to feel more at home. One of my most favorite places to go is Colonial Williamsburg. B and I like it so much that we have an annual pass to go any time we want.
We enjoy going because it is a beautiful place that is steeped in history. It is also more like the land that I am used to, with hills, deciduous foliage, rather than pine trees, everywhere. It is more like what I knew for most of my life, with perhaps less steep hills.
Recently I have been trying to piece together my family tree. I was raised to know who I was descended from, but I also knew never to trust what my mother said without verifying her words. For the past ten years I have been doing my own digging, and now I know why I feel connected to Virginia, and why I think leaving would be very hard to do.
Essentially, my ancestors have been here since the settlers first came to Virginia in the early 1600s. One family, whose name is listed on page upon page of our family tree, was the most prominent family in Virginia and owned half of the state during that time. There was much bloodshed over acquiring the land, as the native Powhatans did not give up without a fight. I am not proud of that part of it, but to know that the place that I love has been a part of my family for hundreds of years keeps me connected to this area, to feel as though I have a place in this world, and to know that my family has shared the same space gives me a sense of comfort. I can also imagine why the native Americans felt so strongly when the invaders from the Bay came in and threatened their homeland. I would have defended it too.
I have also learned that piecing together a family tree is like trying to assemble a puzzle with 1,000 pieces, and 200 of them look identical. Slowly, over time, I want to figure it all out. It isn't because I think it makes me more important. It's more because it's a challenge, and I like challenges, and I don't want to think that everything my mother told me was a lie. There were so many lies she told (like having cancer when she didn't), that it's easy to discredit everything she said, both good and bad. If I could have taken every word for truth, it would have been good. But, this is not the case. That's okay, because in the meantime, I am learning a lot about where I came from, and why I am the way I am.
We enjoy going because it is a beautiful place that is steeped in history. It is also more like the land that I am used to, with hills, deciduous foliage, rather than pine trees, everywhere. It is more like what I knew for most of my life, with perhaps less steep hills.
Recently I have been trying to piece together my family tree. I was raised to know who I was descended from, but I also knew never to trust what my mother said without verifying her words. For the past ten years I have been doing my own digging, and now I know why I feel connected to Virginia, and why I think leaving would be very hard to do.
Essentially, my ancestors have been here since the settlers first came to Virginia in the early 1600s. One family, whose name is listed on page upon page of our family tree, was the most prominent family in Virginia and owned half of the state during that time. There was much bloodshed over acquiring the land, as the native Powhatans did not give up without a fight. I am not proud of that part of it, but to know that the place that I love has been a part of my family for hundreds of years keeps me connected to this area, to feel as though I have a place in this world, and to know that my family has shared the same space gives me a sense of comfort. I can also imagine why the native Americans felt so strongly when the invaders from the Bay came in and threatened their homeland. I would have defended it too.
I have also learned that piecing together a family tree is like trying to assemble a puzzle with 1,000 pieces, and 200 of them look identical. Slowly, over time, I want to figure it all out. It isn't because I think it makes me more important. It's more because it's a challenge, and I like challenges, and I don't want to think that everything my mother told me was a lie. There were so many lies she told (like having cancer when she didn't), that it's easy to discredit everything she said, both good and bad. If I could have taken every word for truth, it would have been good. But, this is not the case. That's okay, because in the meantime, I am learning a lot about where I came from, and why I am the way I am.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Going to Bed Mad
I recently read that sometimes it is better to go to bed mad at your spouse than to drag out an argument or to let things escalate. Sometimes sleeping on it is the better thing to do. I think the author of that article may be right.
Last night I wanted to sketch out our living room and use my colored pencils to do so. I have a vision of ice-blue and dark brown for the colors. So anyway, I didn't sketch it out because I needed a pencil sharpener, and I couldn't find one.
So, fast forward a few hours and B asks me if I did the sketch. I said that I didn't and explained why. He then pulls out a pencil sharpener--doesn't offer it to me--but then decides that he's going to do the same thing, which, for reasons I cannot explain, irritated me. I asked him to leave it alone, and he said he was inspired and wanted to sketch it out too.
Now, I KNOW this is so petty and stupid, but I know for a fact that he was going to use an online resource to model out the living room. That is not my style, it's his. So, that's fine. But I wanted to draw it out, and then he wanted to be involved with it. And I suppose it's just that sometimes I want to do things that are solely mine. I want to be able to create things without someone else mimicking what I am doing. And I know it's petty and dumb. I also knew that it came from not wanting to feel like we were competing. Perhaps he wouldn't see it that way, but I am competitive, and I don't want to compete with him. He's my husband, not the competition. I don't like competing with my loved ones. I think that's mostly because while I don't enjoy face to face competition, I am very competitive in a quiet way.
So, I explained to him that I wanted to do it without his involvement. He became very quiet and I asked what was wrong. He said that at that moment he didn't really like me very much and wanted to be left alone. I didn't get upset. I understood what he meant. I think at various points in a relationship, we are not always beholden to our partner's ways. So, I did not protest; I simply walked out of the room and we went to bed in silence.
I worried what the next day would bring. I silently fumed in my mind, even though I knew my irritation was silly and neurotic. Slowly we both fell into our sleep breathing. I hoped we would be okay the next day.
This morning I awoke and rehashed the stupid situation in my mind and I reached out and held his hand, and everything was fine. Everything is still fine. So sometimes, yes, it is better to sleep on it. The new day can bring new perspective to realize that yes, you were mad or good reason, or no, it wasn't worth getting mad about.
Last night I wanted to sketch out our living room and use my colored pencils to do so. I have a vision of ice-blue and dark brown for the colors. So anyway, I didn't sketch it out because I needed a pencil sharpener, and I couldn't find one.
So, fast forward a few hours and B asks me if I did the sketch. I said that I didn't and explained why. He then pulls out a pencil sharpener--doesn't offer it to me--but then decides that he's going to do the same thing, which, for reasons I cannot explain, irritated me. I asked him to leave it alone, and he said he was inspired and wanted to sketch it out too.
Now, I KNOW this is so petty and stupid, but I know for a fact that he was going to use an online resource to model out the living room. That is not my style, it's his. So, that's fine. But I wanted to draw it out, and then he wanted to be involved with it. And I suppose it's just that sometimes I want to do things that are solely mine. I want to be able to create things without someone else mimicking what I am doing. And I know it's petty and dumb. I also knew that it came from not wanting to feel like we were competing. Perhaps he wouldn't see it that way, but I am competitive, and I don't want to compete with him. He's my husband, not the competition. I don't like competing with my loved ones. I think that's mostly because while I don't enjoy face to face competition, I am very competitive in a quiet way.
So, I explained to him that I wanted to do it without his involvement. He became very quiet and I asked what was wrong. He said that at that moment he didn't really like me very much and wanted to be left alone. I didn't get upset. I understood what he meant. I think at various points in a relationship, we are not always beholden to our partner's ways. So, I did not protest; I simply walked out of the room and we went to bed in silence.
I worried what the next day would bring. I silently fumed in my mind, even though I knew my irritation was silly and neurotic. Slowly we both fell into our sleep breathing. I hoped we would be okay the next day.
This morning I awoke and rehashed the stupid situation in my mind and I reached out and held his hand, and everything was fine. Everything is still fine. So sometimes, yes, it is better to sleep on it. The new day can bring new perspective to realize that yes, you were mad or good reason, or no, it wasn't worth getting mad about.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Why Caring Matters
I recently read an article from Portfolio.com about how and why the stock market collapsed, and how we ever got there to begin with. In this article, writer describes the pervasive apathy in Wall Street and around the world. The traders on Wall Street never cared about the investors. They never cared about the people who were sold loans. They never cared that millions of people would lose their jobs. Here is a new insight that I hadn't considered, but I think is very much true. But first, some background on this.
In 2000 I went to work for a financial information firm in Charlottesville, VA (name withheld) as an Executive Compensation Analyst. My husband went to work there as a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust) Analyst. As soon as I got there I was expected to read through companies' DEF14-As, which were documents disclosing executive compensation for all executives in publicly held Banks, Thrifts, Insurance, Financial Services, etc. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but my boss sat down with a form, showed me where to get the data, and where to put it in, and so I began. I did it, but I did it badly to start. I was the only analyst in that department at the time, and my boss spent more time outside smoking than he did in his office actually doing work.
Eventually I learned what I was doing. I learned what a Golden Parachute was. I learned how stock options worked, and that they were the biggest piece of BS I had seen in a long time. Paper wealth is not real wealth. They are a lure and a trap, but God help you if your company loses money, because all of that paper wealth is just paper and nothing more.
Eventually other analysts came into the department. I trained them and I wrote the training manuals for the new analysts, and I even created a web page for training procedures. No, this wasn't the first time we had done the thing. The books we were producing had been in publication since 1989, when the whole S&L crisis happened. People wanted to know what everyone was making back then, and this information company had its birth during that time.
Regardless, there was no information on how to do the job, what the terms meant or anything like that. So, I created the page that would be used to help others learn how to do their job. I was essentially managing the department for half the pay and none of the credit. Thankfully my name did go on the front page, which is more than what a lot of editors get. At the end of the production cycle I, with the help of others, had created over 1,000 pages on compensation data, and because of an analyst's early departure, the responsibility of editing those 1,000s of pages fell onto my shoulders, and I did it. At first I thought my boss was insane to suggest that I could produce that many pages in a matter of weeks, but I was surprised to see that I could do it.
But there was one problem. I did not care. I cared about getting it done. I was interested because I was learning about the finance world, and I was always at his door asking him questions. Ultimately, I did not care about what I was doing.
Incidentally, this is also when I learned about MBS's, or Mortgage Backed Securities. I asked my boss what they were, and he explained them to me. I understood that these securities were built on people's mortgages. Having experienced my father going through a foreclosure mess, I asked my boss what would happen to the securities if people started to default on their loans. He told me that would be bad, but that real estate was a stable market, and the chance for default was less than 1% amongst all mortgages. Still, I knew that there was a risk, and it seemed risky to me. That was only from what my dad had gone through, and when you apply fractals to this concept, it seemed to me that it was likely for others. Still, I walked away from him thinking that MBS's didn't sound like a good idea. That was in 2000. We all know what happened in the years to come. To be sure, they worked, until the waters started getting muddier and muddier as the world became increasingly apathetic and greedy.
After working on Executive Compensation, I needed to transfer departments. The production cycle for those books was 6 month and I knew I needed to find another position. So, I went to work in the department that dealt with financial information software that all of the big investment firms in NY used. The only problem: I didn't have a clue about the data I was helping the analysts in NY find, and I really did not care about it, once again. I hated it. I sat in a cube and took calls from junior analysts who were in dire need of my help for them to pull the data that their bosses needed. The problem with that was that they themselves did not know what they were doing. They called and asked for information, but they didn't know why they needed it, or even what it was. Interesting, I thought.
In one instance, I received a call from an executive from Lehman Bros. who had seriously messed up his spreadsheet that he was using for compiling a report. He was the kind of person who needed my help, but was so arrogant about his company and his job that he had a major attitude when asking for help. I looked at his spreadsheet that he sent me, and discovered that he had divided a number by 1,000, which was why his spreadsheet was so f-ed up. I corrected his mistake, e-mailed him back to explain what was wrong with it (basically, you are an idiot), and sent it along. I didn't receive a single word back from him. That said a lot to me. Here was a guy who made the stupidest of mistakes, but was so arrogant that he couldn't thank me for helping him and couldn't even acknowledge that he had messed it up. If only I knew how telling that really was.
So, again I was miserable. I was dealing with pricks up on Wall Street who did not know what they were doing. The fact that I was learning and understanding more, as a political science major, was frightening. Thank God, I was laid off. That was the best thing that happened to me.
I hated the job because I didn't care. I didn't care about numbers, and I didn't care about data, and I most certainly did not care about investment bankers who acted as if they ruled the world, yet could not function without the help of many others. So, I was blessed to have been laid off.
Here's what I have realized. We are the situation that we are in with the economy because the people sitting up in Wall Street did not care either. They didn't know what they were doing, and didn't care about it enough to know, so when billions, no trillions, of dollars started floating around in bad securities, did they care? No. As long as they got their billions, that's all that mattered.
My husband has always complained about working in finance mostly because he does not find it to be fulfilling. He doesn't care about those numbers. He cares about the people behind the numbers, but truth be told, most of the people do not care. This morning he said that he wasn't one of those kids who wanted to go into any field. He felt no passion towards any one thing, so he decided that majoring in business would be good. He could make money, so it sounded good to him. But, his heart is not in it. He believes that most people go into finance and business for much the same reason: lack of passion. There is a passion for the money, but that is about it. He contends that most people who work in finance or stocks do not care. To me, that is why our world is in the state that it is in.
So, I got out of the corporate world because the total apathy I saw was palpable. I saw people losing their jobs and benefits all for the bottom line and shareholders. I saw people make bad decisions because their hearts were not in it. I think maybe if people started to care about others the way that teachers care about their kids, the way nurses and doctors care about their patients (they do), then maybe our world would be better. I don't know what it takes to get others to care, but I think once we do, things will get better.
If the investment banks who created AAA bonds from BBB loans actually cared, then none of this would have happened. Sure, the investors who bought the MBS's made a fortune, but at the cost of who? Selling a loan for a $720K house to a strawberry picker in CA is unconscionable. When the debt to income ratio is 10:1, there is a big problem. There was never any way that that farmer could afford that house, but it didn't matter because no one cared if he lost everything in the end.
What I wonder is, did the bankers who created these loans every think that they themselves could lose it all? If they did, I would think they would have then cared.
Then again, I suppose if everyone worked in a field that they actually cared about, then no one would work in finance, and I suppose that someone has to manage the money.
In 2000 I went to work for a financial information firm in Charlottesville, VA (name withheld) as an Executive Compensation Analyst. My husband went to work there as a REIT (Real Estate Investment Trust) Analyst. As soon as I got there I was expected to read through companies' DEF14-As, which were documents disclosing executive compensation for all executives in publicly held Banks, Thrifts, Insurance, Financial Services, etc. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but my boss sat down with a form, showed me where to get the data, and where to put it in, and so I began. I did it, but I did it badly to start. I was the only analyst in that department at the time, and my boss spent more time outside smoking than he did in his office actually doing work.
Eventually I learned what I was doing. I learned what a Golden Parachute was. I learned how stock options worked, and that they were the biggest piece of BS I had seen in a long time. Paper wealth is not real wealth. They are a lure and a trap, but God help you if your company loses money, because all of that paper wealth is just paper and nothing more.
Eventually other analysts came into the department. I trained them and I wrote the training manuals for the new analysts, and I even created a web page for training procedures. No, this wasn't the first time we had done the thing. The books we were producing had been in publication since 1989, when the whole S&L crisis happened. People wanted to know what everyone was making back then, and this information company had its birth during that time.
Regardless, there was no information on how to do the job, what the terms meant or anything like that. So, I created the page that would be used to help others learn how to do their job. I was essentially managing the department for half the pay and none of the credit. Thankfully my name did go on the front page, which is more than what a lot of editors get. At the end of the production cycle I, with the help of others, had created over 1,000 pages on compensation data, and because of an analyst's early departure, the responsibility of editing those 1,000s of pages fell onto my shoulders, and I did it. At first I thought my boss was insane to suggest that I could produce that many pages in a matter of weeks, but I was surprised to see that I could do it.
But there was one problem. I did not care. I cared about getting it done. I was interested because I was learning about the finance world, and I was always at his door asking him questions. Ultimately, I did not care about what I was doing.
Incidentally, this is also when I learned about MBS's, or Mortgage Backed Securities. I asked my boss what they were, and he explained them to me. I understood that these securities were built on people's mortgages. Having experienced my father going through a foreclosure mess, I asked my boss what would happen to the securities if people started to default on their loans. He told me that would be bad, but that real estate was a stable market, and the chance for default was less than 1% amongst all mortgages. Still, I knew that there was a risk, and it seemed risky to me. That was only from what my dad had gone through, and when you apply fractals to this concept, it seemed to me that it was likely for others. Still, I walked away from him thinking that MBS's didn't sound like a good idea. That was in 2000. We all know what happened in the years to come. To be sure, they worked, until the waters started getting muddier and muddier as the world became increasingly apathetic and greedy.
After working on Executive Compensation, I needed to transfer departments. The production cycle for those books was 6 month and I knew I needed to find another position. So, I went to work in the department that dealt with financial information software that all of the big investment firms in NY used. The only problem: I didn't have a clue about the data I was helping the analysts in NY find, and I really did not care about it, once again. I hated it. I sat in a cube and took calls from junior analysts who were in dire need of my help for them to pull the data that their bosses needed. The problem with that was that they themselves did not know what they were doing. They called and asked for information, but they didn't know why they needed it, or even what it was. Interesting, I thought.
In one instance, I received a call from an executive from Lehman Bros. who had seriously messed up his spreadsheet that he was using for compiling a report. He was the kind of person who needed my help, but was so arrogant about his company and his job that he had a major attitude when asking for help. I looked at his spreadsheet that he sent me, and discovered that he had divided a number by 1,000, which was why his spreadsheet was so f-ed up. I corrected his mistake, e-mailed him back to explain what was wrong with it (basically, you are an idiot), and sent it along. I didn't receive a single word back from him. That said a lot to me. Here was a guy who made the stupidest of mistakes, but was so arrogant that he couldn't thank me for helping him and couldn't even acknowledge that he had messed it up. If only I knew how telling that really was.
So, again I was miserable. I was dealing with pricks up on Wall Street who did not know what they were doing. The fact that I was learning and understanding more, as a political science major, was frightening. Thank God, I was laid off. That was the best thing that happened to me.
I hated the job because I didn't care. I didn't care about numbers, and I didn't care about data, and I most certainly did not care about investment bankers who acted as if they ruled the world, yet could not function without the help of many others. So, I was blessed to have been laid off.
Here's what I have realized. We are the situation that we are in with the economy because the people sitting up in Wall Street did not care either. They didn't know what they were doing, and didn't care about it enough to know, so when billions, no trillions, of dollars started floating around in bad securities, did they care? No. As long as they got their billions, that's all that mattered.
My husband has always complained about working in finance mostly because he does not find it to be fulfilling. He doesn't care about those numbers. He cares about the people behind the numbers, but truth be told, most of the people do not care. This morning he said that he wasn't one of those kids who wanted to go into any field. He felt no passion towards any one thing, so he decided that majoring in business would be good. He could make money, so it sounded good to him. But, his heart is not in it. He believes that most people go into finance and business for much the same reason: lack of passion. There is a passion for the money, but that is about it. He contends that most people who work in finance or stocks do not care. To me, that is why our world is in the state that it is in.
So, I got out of the corporate world because the total apathy I saw was palpable. I saw people losing their jobs and benefits all for the bottom line and shareholders. I saw people make bad decisions because their hearts were not in it. I think maybe if people started to care about others the way that teachers care about their kids, the way nurses and doctors care about their patients (they do), then maybe our world would be better. I don't know what it takes to get others to care, but I think once we do, things will get better.
If the investment banks who created AAA bonds from BBB loans actually cared, then none of this would have happened. Sure, the investors who bought the MBS's made a fortune, but at the cost of who? Selling a loan for a $720K house to a strawberry picker in CA is unconscionable. When the debt to income ratio is 10:1, there is a big problem. There was never any way that that farmer could afford that house, but it didn't matter because no one cared if he lost everything in the end.
What I wonder is, did the bankers who created these loans every think that they themselves could lose it all? If they did, I would think they would have then cared.
Then again, I suppose if everyone worked in a field that they actually cared about, then no one would work in finance, and I suppose that someone has to manage the money.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I wonder
When women weren't supposed to work anywhere but at home, what did they do all day? The obvious answer is raise children, but not all women had kids. Some just couldn't, and some never did. So what did they do?
I wonder because I imagined just not working, even though I love what I do. Obviously I could not get away with this, and B has said that unless I have to stop working, if he is working, then I am working. This is fine because I like staying busy. But still, being a DINK has its advantages, and sometimes I dream of just staying home to do what I do during the summer, which is stay more attuned to my life at home. I bore easily though, so I know it won't work.
I wonder because I imagined just not working, even though I love what I do. Obviously I could not get away with this, and B has said that unless I have to stop working, if he is working, then I am working. This is fine because I like staying busy. But still, being a DINK has its advantages, and sometimes I dream of just staying home to do what I do during the summer, which is stay more attuned to my life at home. I bore easily though, so I know it won't work.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Work Resolutions
This school year has been very busy, since I teach all subjects. At the beginning of the year I had the goal to get out of school at a decent time (preferably before 4) and to not work too much outside of school. Neither have happened, at least, not on a regular basis.
So, here are three goals:
1. Set an alarm on my cell phone to go off at 3:30 each day as my signal to go home.
2. Do not check work e-mail from home.
3. Only do school work from home one night per week, preferably Sunday night.
Let's see if I can do this.
So, here are three goals:
1. Set an alarm on my cell phone to go off at 3:30 each day as my signal to go home.
2. Do not check work e-mail from home.
3. Only do school work from home one night per week, preferably Sunday night.
Let's see if I can do this.
Friday, January 2, 2009
January
Up until recently I loathed January. New Year's is a non-holiday. There is nothing really special about it other than the clock hit midnight and the earth finally completed its lap around the sun. That is an accomplishment, but it's not as if the sun really had to do anything to help the earth make its round, so really, to me, it's a non-holiday. I'll take it though, as it is an extension of my winter break.
When I was a kid, January was the big downer month. The excitement and anticipation of the holidays ended abruptly only to be filled by long and silent gray days. But now, as I am older, I appreciate January a little more. It isn't because there is anything special going on; rather, it's because we finally have a moment to stop, take a breath and relax.
Breathe.
When I was a kid, January was the big downer month. The excitement and anticipation of the holidays ended abruptly only to be filled by long and silent gray days. But now, as I am older, I appreciate January a little more. It isn't because there is anything special going on; rather, it's because we finally have a moment to stop, take a breath and relax.
Breathe.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Goal
Typically, I do not make New Year's Resolutions. Why? Because, from what I have seen, the resolutions that are so often made are usually often destroyed before the dawn of February. So as a rule, I do not make resolutions. I do, however, have goals. They are different from resolutions because they are not total transformations. When I think of resolutions, I think of someone transforming themselves from an overweight person into a svelt and lean athlete. For goals, I like to build on what I have already accomplished. So, here they are:
1. Continue to save money. I have been putting money aside each month in the hopes of being able to contribute to our house purchase, whenever that happens. The reality is that whatever down payment we make will come from his savings. As a team player, I want to do as much as I can as well. So, I have been putting money aside for things like furniture, appliances, whatever we may need. And I must say, what I have managed to save, so far, is pretty good for me, and it earns 2.25% interest. So, I want to do as much as I can in the next 6 months to a year, in the hopes of being in a home by the end of the year.
2. Want everything I have. I have a habit of shopping when there are good deals to be had. A good pair of pants at a good price are hard to pass up. But as I folded and straightened out my clothes the other day, I realized I had more than I needed, and I was happy to think that I wanted everything I had. For the items I don't want, I am donating them. Fortunately, with age comes more mature judgment, so I don't buy everything on a whim. Much of what I purge was bought years ago. Now, I have to REALLY like it to buy it. But I need to appreciate all that I do have, and want every bit of it.
3. Treat my body well. I have been treating it well, but I need to reintroduce myself to the gym on days when it is dark and cold out. Also, after the holidays I need to cut back on my breads. I don't cut them out completely, but I don't eat nearly as much as I used to, thankfully.
4. Take a class that has no professional relation whatsoever, like art. I like to be an individual outside of work. I have noticed that many older teachers' friends are mostly all from work, and they all socialize and hang out; which is all fine, but I do like to have separation-not total separation, but partial separation is good for me. Call me crazy!
1. Continue to save money. I have been putting money aside each month in the hopes of being able to contribute to our house purchase, whenever that happens. The reality is that whatever down payment we make will come from his savings. As a team player, I want to do as much as I can as well. So, I have been putting money aside for things like furniture, appliances, whatever we may need. And I must say, what I have managed to save, so far, is pretty good for me, and it earns 2.25% interest. So, I want to do as much as I can in the next 6 months to a year, in the hopes of being in a home by the end of the year.
2. Want everything I have. I have a habit of shopping when there are good deals to be had. A good pair of pants at a good price are hard to pass up. But as I folded and straightened out my clothes the other day, I realized I had more than I needed, and I was happy to think that I wanted everything I had. For the items I don't want, I am donating them. Fortunately, with age comes more mature judgment, so I don't buy everything on a whim. Much of what I purge was bought years ago. Now, I have to REALLY like it to buy it. But I need to appreciate all that I do have, and want every bit of it.
3. Treat my body well. I have been treating it well, but I need to reintroduce myself to the gym on days when it is dark and cold out. Also, after the holidays I need to cut back on my breads. I don't cut them out completely, but I don't eat nearly as much as I used to, thankfully.
4. Take a class that has no professional relation whatsoever, like art. I like to be an individual outside of work. I have noticed that many older teachers' friends are mostly all from work, and they all socialize and hang out; which is all fine, but I do like to have separation-not total separation, but partial separation is good for me. Call me crazy!
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