Going to Bed Mad

I recently read that sometimes it is better to go to bed mad at your spouse than to drag out an argument or to let things escalate. Sometimes sleeping on it is the better thing to do. I think the author of that article may be right.

Last night I wanted to sketch out our living room and use my colored pencils to do so. I have a vision of ice-blue and dark brown for the colors. So anyway, I didn't sketch it out because I needed a pencil sharpener, and I couldn't find one.

So, fast forward a few hours and B asks me if I did the sketch. I said that I didn't and explained why. He then pulls out a pencil sharpener--doesn't offer it to me--but then decides that he's going to do the same thing, which, for reasons I cannot explain, irritated me. I asked him to leave it alone, and he said he was inspired and wanted to sketch it out too.

Now, I KNOW this is so petty and stupid, but I know for a fact that he was going to use an online resource to model out the living room. That is not my style, it's his. So, that's fine. But I wanted to draw it out, and then he wanted to be involved with it. And I suppose it's just that sometimes I want to do things that are solely mine. I want to be able to create things without someone else mimicking what I am doing. And I know it's petty and dumb. I also knew that it came from not wanting to feel like we were competing. Perhaps he wouldn't see it that way, but I am competitive, and I don't want to compete with him. He's my husband, not the competition. I don't like competing with my loved ones. I think that's mostly because while I don't enjoy face to face competition, I am very competitive in a quiet way.

So, I explained to him that I wanted to do it without his involvement. He became very quiet and I asked what was wrong. He said that at that moment he didn't really like me very much and wanted to be left alone. I didn't get upset. I understood what he meant. I think at various points in a relationship, we are not always beholden to our partner's ways. So, I did not protest; I simply walked out of the room and we went to bed in silence.

I worried what the next day would bring. I silently fumed in my mind, even though I knew my irritation was silly and neurotic. Slowly we both fell into our sleep breathing. I hoped we would be okay the next day.

This morning I awoke and rehashed the stupid situation in my mind and I reached out and held his hand, and everything was fine. Everything is still fine. So sometimes, yes, it is better to sleep on it. The new day can bring new perspective to realize that yes, you were mad or good reason, or no, it wasn't worth getting mad about.