Honestly

First: Thanksgiving was great! I am still enjoying my time off from work.

Now, what I came on here to blog about:Black Friday at Wal-Mart in NY. Honestly, if someone is so desperate to get a deal on some piece of crap at Wal-Mart, then perhaps they shouldn't spend any money on crap, at all.

We all know about the attacks in Mumbai, and truly, that was a devastating attack for many people who were simply in the wrong place and time. Is it all that surprising? No. Not really. India has its enemies, as does the US and UK. Sad, yes. Surprising, no.

Somehow I am more horrified by the fact that a) there were 12 shoppers at this Wal-Mart who literally took the front doors of the store off the hinges before storming in, b) the first person to knock down that worker could have helped the guy up, but instead kept going, c) when the shoppers heard that the store would close for a few hours because of the death, there were reports of people saying "But I've been here all night!" d) nothing in that store was worth the life of an employee, and yet e) stores like Wal-Mart want to create a fervor about their sales to boost their bottom lines and please their stockholders, and f) everyone at that store bought into it, lock, stock and barrel, regardless of the consequences.

There is no excuse for this, and I hope they are able to identify the people who took the life of a 34 year-old, just to save some money.

~~~

My family has never been party to the Black Friday craziness. I have ventured out on the following days just to see what's on sale, but usually I end up buying nothing, because it's nothing I care that much about anyway, so life goes on as usual. I wonder if those who do line up the night before to save $50 realize how crazy it is. I know some people do it as tradition, but really, I think there are better traditions to partake in, which is what the real Thanksgiving is all about. Yes, it ushers in the holiday shopping season, but the holidays are about traditions, not getting as much as you can for as little money possible.

Camel Mouth

Several years ago I asked B where in the world the old adage "don't look a gift horse in the mouth," came from. I did not expect an answer because it was most certainly rhetorical in nature. He had an answer that he has defended and has made me laugh myself to tears every since.

According to B, the phrase doesn't make any sense because it's not a horse. It's a camel. Yes. A camel. He says it comes from biblical times from when the three wise men came to Bethlehem riding camels bearing gifts. And? Yes, you don't look a gift CAMEL in the mouth....because it will spit at you.

It doesn't matter how many times we go over it, and how I surmise that it came from when people gave horses, like cars, as gifts, and how it's rude to scrutinize a gift.

No. It's a camel, and they WILL spit at you if you look them in the mouth.

Conventional Wisdom

Yesterday I attended a gifted ed training session in which we read a highly biased article about why teachers need to do away with giving students zeros, and how, if they do, their students, parents and schools will be much more productive and happy.

Ah yes, the sublime world where everyone learns together in harmony. Every child nods yes and no, they all understand directions, no matter how complicated, and parents praise their child's teacher through gifts of chocolate and candy.

Although I have been lavished with gifts by my students' parents, I know that no such world exists.

There is an inescapable reality. People are messy, filled with flaws, and of varying degrees of intelligence. Some people love structure, and others hate it. Some people think in a linear and orderly fashion (me), whereas other's thoughts bounce around and lead to other ideas much like dribbled paint in a Jackson Pollack painting. And I, the gifted teacher, will teach to all styles and learning methods. At least it is my job to attempt such a feat.

So, therefore, why give zeros? Zeros ignore each child's learning style and to give them such a punitive grade is hardly the mechanism for productive learning.

Except, many argue, there is a harsh reality out there. The reality is that life isn't so accepting of faults and flaws, according to many seasoned teachers. In real life, many teachers posit, if you are late for a job, you are fired. If you don't do your work, you are fired, and there is no paycheck. As evidence to support this idea, one teacher in the class stated that military contractors have no tolerance for delays. If the work isn't done, then you are gone. Another coworker of mine, who once worked for a telesales company, said that those who are incompetent are fired. If someone doesn't show up to McDonald's for work, then no job.

But there is another reality out there that many who are in favor of punitive grading do not realize exists. There is the white collar world in which executives often arrive late, and everyone quietly moans to himself, but says nothing. There is the world in which an editor can make mistakes, miss a deadline, and while they could be reprimanded, they are often not fired for one mistake. I have personally witnessed the most incompetent professionals make multitudes of mistakes, and they are still employed. It is maddening to watch them stay on, but this is a reality for many.

So as to whether or not giving zeros is a reflection of reality lies within the personal experiences of the grader/parent/student. From what I can tell, zeros are appropriate from the eyes of those who live in a harsher, more punitive world. For those of us who come from a more white collar, professional world where tardiness is not the anathema to a productive world, grades do not have to be quite so harsh.

Personally, I do not give zeros. Why? Because they are still kids. I don't feel it's my job to crush them when they are young. Yes, they have to learn a consequence, and I will give a failing grade for that assignment, but I won't give a 0 and ruin their chances for having even a C as a final grade.

In the article, the author stated that zeros were mathematically incorrect. How could that be? Well, if you think about it, an 80 is a C. That's the median (thinking of a bell curve). An A+, or 100, would be on the far right of the curve, i.e., the maximum. In terms of standard deviations from the median, the minimum would not be a 0. It would be 60. So therefore, mathematically, 0s are statistically incorrect. If we are going to use grades on such a scale, then an E (or F) would be a 60. To make 0 statistically significant, then a C would be 50 and an A+ would still be 100. Only then would the 0 work, mathematically speaking. So for me, I give 60s, not zeros.

I know, it's crazy! It makes no sense (but it does). But then again, our world is a little crazy, and we are all a little off. Why expect our kids to be exceptions to the rule?

Big 3

I just had an idea about what could be done instead of providing $25 billion to the Big 3 automakers.

It is estimated that as many as 2 million jobs could be lost if GM fails. So here's what I think: instead of pumping cash into companies that have not made good cars in a long time, how about setting aside money from the bailout bill that would provide green technology jobs to the unemployed auto workers. Think about it: what do they make? Parts, supplies and cars. They would be a perfect fit for building turbine engines for windmill farms and other green technology. If they could build the engines and the devices for operating clean technology, and if we nationalized our power grids to remove private industry from this task, it could work.

How We See The World

Sometimes my boss irritates me. It isn't because she's a bad boss or that she's bad to work for. It's more that I think she places emphasis on things that, in my mind, simply do not matter. The worst part is that I know she is not alone.

Yesterday I attended a teaching conference for reading. We had lunch with several others from my school of which included my boss. I sat directly across from her; which I hate, because then I feel like I am not myself. She is not one to refrain from judgment on people, and I am well aware of this fact. She never says anything, but much like Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, it only takes one disapproving glance to know what she's thinking.

As we finished lunch, another teacher from our school passed by. My boss suddenly declared to the person sitting next to her, "Isn't she just the most darling thing you've ever seen? She is just as precious as can be." Thank God she didn't say it to me, because I don't know how I would have responded. What really bothers me is that I have a feeling that my boss may have hired her for her position not only because she's a great teacher, but also because she's "darling."

On my first day of teaching at this school, I had one day to set up my whole classroom. I had no idea what I was teaching or who my kids were. When my boss came in to see how things were, the main thing she concerned herself with was that a chair in the room did not match the rest of the furniture. Never mind that I was missing textbooks. Never mind that I was given the worst of the kids in the whole grade. No, my chairs didn't match, and that was a concern.

On the plus side of that, I decided that I didn't really need to worry about being perfect with my teaching because what she cared about was how the room looked.

To be fair, the organization of the room does matter to a certain extent. The structure of any room can make a big difference in a person's mental state, especially if they have ADD or ADHD, which I am fairly certain I have. I cannot function in a room that has too much going on. I just shut down. So my classroom is generally very well organized and I have defined areas for each task for the kids, which is as much for me as it is for them. But whether or not everything matches is just not important. No child cares if the room matches completely. Learning is what matters to me.

Almost all of the teachers that have been hired by my boss are pretty. Many of us are pretty and on the slim side, although I do not consider myself thin. If I thought they weren't hired largely because of their looks, I wouldn't mind, but I do.

The saddest part of this is that it is not unique. Countless stories are written about why some people are promoted over others because they are better looking. It's a deeply rooted, psychological barrier, but I don't think it's right.

Even in the classroom, preferences for friends are largely decided, at least for the girls, over whether or not they are pretty or thin. Sometimes the girls can be just downright rude and nasty.

I had one student last year who struggled with many of the girls in my room. They had long, flowing hair, stick thin legs, and the best of the best in clothes. She did not fit any of these standards; she was tall, slightly overweight and had shorter hair. She was a sad girl. I understood how the girl felt because even though I did have friends, I wasn't quite as delicately built, and although I had long hair, it wasn't well kept or beautiful.

I had lunch with this odd girl out. I took out a photo album of me when I was her age. In those pictures she saw a plump, awkward preteen who didn't know what to do about her hips that appeared overnight. She and I developed a bond that year, and as the year drew on, I watched her grow from an insecure overweight girl, to a funny, outgoing girl who didn't try to win boys' affections because she wasn't there yet and she just didn't care any longer if they liked her.

Maybe I am just a fighter for the underdog. I know how the underdog feels because I have felt like he/she often feels. So when my boss places emphasis on the artificial attributes of a person, I know that there are others out there who are probably better teachers, but are probably not up to her visual standards.

The fighter in me wants to scream at her and tell her how wrong she is, but instead I say nothing. She has often said that she likes me because I remind her so much of her younger self. I wonder how she can possibly know that. If she knew who I was, she probably wouldn't say that. If it were my school, I can certainly say that I would not worry over whether or not a teacher was cute, or the furniture didn't match. There's an underdog out there, and he/she is worth fighting for.

Summer Dream Poem (Audience: kids)

Summer
Comes and goes
In a flash.
The last day
Of school
A day
Of joy
Looking forward
To the many
Lazy days
Ahead.

Days
Of swimming
In friends' pools
Hot pavement
Beneath bare feet
Run
Through neighborhoods,
Licking
Melted strawberry
Ice cream
From
Your fingers
Not caring
At all
If
You
Get to bed
Early.

No school.

Cold
Air conditioning
Blast
Pool soaked skin,
Chills
Up and down
Snuggle
Warm, fluffy towel.

Hot
Humid air
Suffocating
Ideas and thoughts
Nothing
Comes to mind
Everything you learned
Escapes.

A jar.
Six holes
Punched in the lid
Running around
In the yard.
Catching, grasping, flying
Breathing hard,
Sneaking quietly,
The elusive firefly.

One pops in.
Clicks
Its head
Against the top,
Trying
To escape.

Two, three,
Four, five
and six
Scooped in,
Between sweaty fingers
And cold metal.
To light
The bedroom,
A new night light,
Glowing.
Illuminating
Dark walls.

One escapes,
Pushes its way
Through one hole.
Another follows.
They are free.

Tightly pressed eyes
Try to sleep
But peak above
To see
The ceiling
Aglow
Stars in my sky
No star stickers
Can imitate

And the jar?

Empty.

And the search goes on...and on....and on.....

Today I went to a teaching conference on Reading Education, which lasted from 9-1:30. When I came home, happily I discovered that B had done the dishes (AND POTS), cleaned the counters AND took out the recycling. 

I told him he earned the Golden Husband award for the day. I told him this as he showered. When he got out of the shower he asked if I wanted to go to another furniture store to look for sofas. My initial thought was "HELL NO!" as if I wanted to go through another emotional argument. But I know that I can control how I react to his rejection of every single piece of furniture on this good earth, so I said I would go. 

We went to two stores today. At the second store we found a sofa that we both really like. It is deep, wide and very comfortable. The back cushions are square and clean looking, but comfortable. 

It was on sale by $700. It is less than two thousand dollars, but more than one thousand. Is it worth it? YES. This is the ONLY sofa that B has actually liked. I love it. 

So what could possibly be wrong with the sofa? 

Of course, it's too much money. 

My argument for the sofa: 

1. B is rarely pleased with such things, and as such, when we find a good one, it's a keeper!   

2. I have bought a cheap sofa, and we are replacing it. The sofa we are replacing tore within the first month I had it. In some cases, spending a little more money makes more sense than spending less because it will wear out. I informed him that ultimately, within the past ten years, I will have spent $2,500 on sofas, if we get this sofa. That's a lot to spend. I told him I do not want to buy another sofa for a long time. 

3. We don't need to worry if it fits exactly into our current condo because in ten years we will still have the sofa, but we will not be in our current residence. 

I have made these points to him, and I hope they sink in. Obviously I think I'm right. I think I am talking logic and reason here. I'm not just saying, "It's pretty, and I like it!" I think I'm giving valid reasons for doing it.

What I can also say is that I cannot believe we are spending so much time worrying about this. My whole afternoon after the conference was destroyed by our hunt. Hopefully something positive comes out of it. Hopefully. I can't get those hours back.

So it's finally here

The verdict is in: yes, we are in a recession. As if most of us didn't already know this, but jobless claims surged to its highest level since 1992. 

Given the fact that B's company has been laying off employees at various properties around the country left and right, this comes as no surprise. 

B's CEO sent out a memo yesterday that established a moratorium on any raises for 2009. No bonuses, no raises. The CEO himself took a 20% pay cut. Thankfully B's job does not seem to be going anywhere. No matter how dire the conditions, unless the company just outright folds, they will always need someone to do the financial reporting. So that's good. What's even better: he still has a job. So hopefully we can hold on until the storm passes.

This leads me to considering the pros and cons of a recession. Yes, there are pros, if you can manage to survive through it.

Pros:

1. Everything goes on sale. Stores that are forced to clear out their inventory are also forced to reduce their prices to the appropriate price point, which can sometimes mean giving things away almost for free. 

Case in point: Old Navy just had a sale where they were literally selling their scarves and hats for $1. Need a scarf or hat? Well, no, I don't, not personally, but I'm sure many who are struggling are happy to have such a price. When you factor in cost to produce and transport, ON is barely making anything on those hats and scarves. But if you happen to have money to shop: SCORE!

2. Hm....well, what's number 2? Oh, okay, energy prices are going down. They aren't going down for good reasons. Prices are declining because even though OPEC decreased its production, there is still a surplus of oil available due to weak demand around the world. So, if you wanted to go on a road trip, now is the time to do it. Do you have your passport ready, if you still have a job?

3. Traveling will hopefully get cheaper. I don't have any proof to back up this theory, but business who want to just have customers will be forced to lower prices. There are businesses who will keep their prices arbitrarily inflated, but the companies who fail to reduce their prices will suffer more than those who react accordingly. 

In essence, if you are still fortunate to have an income, then these are the things to be happy about: sales!

I could list out the cons, but don't we pretty much know what they are? Job losses, increased health care costs because of people losing health insurance when they lose jobs, rising foreclosures, fewer available loans to help those who need to get by, etc. It's depressing. But these are not things we need to dwell on.

What to do, what to do

I haven't gone to my gym since August, which is when school started. I like my gym. It's right on the water, so when I am on the treadmill I enjoy watching the boats glide gently through the waterway, the occasional bird swooping down to catch a fish and then flying on. 

Do I particularly enjoy going to the gym? No. But I like this gym. 

It costs $43/mo. In the past two months I have given them my money without getting anything out of it. I use it the most during the summer, if it's really hot out, and during the winter, if it's cold out. 

I much prefer going on walks outside, but for some reason, ever since I was little, my lungs literally hurt when I try to breathe in the cold air. I don't know if it's just acclimation or what, but I know that exercising outside when it's colder than 50 is a miserable experience for me. 

So I have been toying with the idea of canceling my membership. But I don't want to because I know it's my own fault for not using it enough lately. I had wanted to get to the gym on a regular basis this year, but it hasn't happened. Teaching all subjects for 5th graders demands quite a bit of time, and sometimes, no matter how hard I try, it's 5:00 before I know it, and by that time the gym is crowded and you can't get on the machines you want, which also sucks.

So now I am still left with the question: do I quit and then rejoin if I miss it, or should I just try even harder to get out of school at a decent time so that I am competing for machines with other women? 

Argh

TMI warning, perhaps.

Sometimes I dislike myself intensely. It's not that I don't like who I am, but I really hate my hormones when I am either at the end or middle of my 28 days. Today is a prime example. 

It's the middle of the month (actually day 11 for me), and today we went to go look at sofas. I actually really liked several sofas, and he kinda liked a few, and really liked none. We spent a while in there, and I felt like he was rushing us through. It turns out he was rushing us through because he didn't really like the place,  but he didn't communicate that to me. 

Anyway, I spent a few moments talking to a sales clerk about their process, and when we were finished, B approached me in a panicked way and I asked if he liked anything in there, and he said that he didn't. Great. I wasted my time looking at everything when apparently he had decided early on that he didn't like their stuff. So I was mad a) because we wasted our time b) I actually did like a few things and c) he didn't appear to be concerned about what I thought. In hindsight, he really didn't need to ask because I said "Oh, I like this one." But my ovaries didn't realize this, and I got really upset with him. 

It wasn't about sofas, but he thinks it was. I was upset with him because I didn't feel as though my thoughts were heard or taken into consideration. That rang a few other bells, and before I knew it, we're standing in our house and I am crying and carrying on about how I feel he doesn't care to know what I think about things, and what he says is what goes. None of this is true, but you can't tell my emotional self that it's not true. 

So an hour later we both vented our frustrations, and he went to a friend's house to play XBOX (he's addicted to that little white box with its green eye). I took a bath, sang my little heart out while bubbles piled around me, and then clarity came. I was a little crazy. And I'm going to have to apologize. And I really dislike my hormones. 

Crap.

Goals

I'm trying to set some goals for things I want to do. 

1. Go to London and Paris in June. It won't be a cheap trip, but it will be worth it. If we start a family, then who knows when we'll get to travel again. Yes, I want to take kids along, but that's many years down the road. I want to do it now before I have much energy,  in the form of small bodies in need of mom, taken from me.

2. Sign up for an 8K race in March. The first meeting to start training is coming up on November 22nd. I have no intention of actually "racing," but I do think having something to run/walk for is a good idea.

Quoth the Palin

From an AP Report:

Said Palin on Friday: "The Alaska voters and me not be a dictator, won't be telling anyone what do to."

'Dat's right. An' I ain' no swagga jacka neither.

Number Game

Over the summer I started working out. I had neglected to stay in shape in my first year of marriage, and so last summer it was my primary goal to lose some inches and pounds. I am happy to report that I have lost about 1.5 inches from my hips and thighs, and about an inch from my arms. The strange thing is that this shrinkage began over the summer, but I didn't lose any weight. I remained at around 139. Lately I haven't worked out as much simply because I have been very busy during the week. I have noticed that my muscle tone is not so great....and guess what! I lost weight! So, I think I would like to be toned, even if it means putting on pounds of muscle. I don't want to be skinny and soft. I'd rather be slimmer and toned, personally. :)

What Went Wrong

So I'm seeing analyses of what happened for McCain on the news. Before I read what everyone else thinks, I'll put my thoughts out there.

1. Sarah Palin. More than anything else with McCain, Palin was the reason I had firmly decided not to go for McCain.

2. Preaching to the Choir. In all of the attack ads and speeches made by both McCain and Palin, not once did they say anything that would reach out across the aisle, so to speak, that would appeal to other voters who were not already part of their base. Many times, I felt as though I was just watching them go by the old Republican playbook, which is to say that all Democrats are Godless Socialists who want to tax and spend and love big governments. Oh, and also: 9/11 and act on all of your fears. Oh, and the terrorists hate us for our freedom. Don'cha know?

3. I never felt like McCain's campaign had any clear strategy for winning. It seemed as though they changed course on a daily basis, and tried everything they could. The only problem is there was no consistency with their message, other than "Maverick." 

4. Speaking of Reagan does little to get our pulses going. McCain often referred to the 80s, when many of us were either kids, or we don't have such great political memories of those times. It doesn't take much to remember all of the crap that happened back then.

5. Hate and fear. I REALLY disliked Sarah Palin's attacks of "liberals." I know McCain almost switched parties in 2001, but Palin did just about everything she could to make herself and her party look like a bunch of white, narrow-minded bigots. Even though I know that's not true, I believe she did a lot of damage to her party, and to McCain. 

6. McCain's campaign was not on the ground early enough. Because of the contentious battle fir the Democratic ticket, Obama had his people in VA back in January, if not earlier. McCain finally set up camp here in July. 7 months is an eternity in campaign life. I believe he was way too late.

7. In 2004 Kerry started running out of money, so he pulled his campaign offices out in VA and one other state. I wanted to volunteer for him, only to find that the offices were being closed down! So when I saw McCain doing the same thing, I knew he was in trouble. If anything, he should have targeted the blue states as well, and tried his hardest to get his voice out. Obama was here many times in the past few weeks. It turned out that my state was pretty important in this election.

So, that's what I think went wrong. I don't dislike McCain. I just intensely dislike Palin. Plus, it feels pretty cool to be a part of history.

Amazed

I hoped. 

But I didn't believe it would happen. 

I was wrong.

Barack Obama just won the presidency. 

It's cool to be a part of history--and a good part at that.

Several thoughts for today

1. When B and I have kids, our social lives will inevitably change. We won't necessarily lose our current friends who do not have children, but more than likely we will hang out with our friends who do have children. We need to be on their good graces for when the time comes. B said as much yesterday when we were talking about our friends.

2. I don't want to have a boy with the same name as my husband. We were discussing kids and names, and he said "Little B." I apologized and told him that it was enough to have to call out his name, and I didn't want to have to double the efforts on calling his name. I know it's an homage to the father to name the first son after the dad, but I just can't do it, if we do have a boy one day. And I can also say that the name will definitely NOT be Magnum. I hope we have a girl, whenever we do have children. (And I am afraid that we won't be able to have children.)

3. I met a couple that has a divorce in its future. I suppose I've been around dysfunctional parents enough to know what's coming down the road. I feel badly for their kids, but I can see trouble coming. You know something's up when the mother looks at her daughter's teacher and says, "I don't have a problem, but her father is the one who has the problem," after which she tightly smiles at her husband and he narrowly grimaces back. Yikes. Poor little girl. I know these silent fights all too well. I learned all of the call signs long ago.

4. Regarding Facebook. I find it odd that there are people out there who literally "friend," every single person they've ever known, whether or not they are actually "friends," with each other. Moreover, some of those "friends," were never friends at all. I suppose popularity is all in the numbers, but when all is said and done, does it really matter how many friends you had on Facebook? I don't think so, but I know one guy that literally has 1,200 friends on FB. I am one of them, and I know that although he was a social acquaintance, he was never a friend, per se. I've been tempted to add all of the people that I actually know, which would bump my numbers up to well over 100, at least, but somehow I just feel weird about actually doing it. Maybe this is just a manifestation of my shyness, and a manifestation of other people's outgoing nature. I'm not sure, but I haven't decided what I should do.

5. Cookies and cream brownies are good. Damn good.

'Nuff said.

The Changing by One Man

Yesterday I heard a rhetorical question that I am sure has been asked around the country as we approach Election Day. "How can one man really change things, anyway?" The cynical, apathetic side of me agrees. But then I think of a video that is on YouTube. 

It talks about the greatest people in history and the changes they made in society that changes our world. Each of these people were taunted, told they couldn't do what they want to do. The video shows Michael Jordan, Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, Lincoln and Lucille Ball as several examples of people who were told to give up. They were told that they were stupid or couldn't achieve. Lincoln ran for senate EIGHT times before he actually won. 

Then I come back to the question, "How can any one person change anything?" Ask that to Alexander Graham Bell, without whom we would not have phones, cell phones, text messaging, etc. Ask that to Einstien, who revolutionized physics as the world knew it. Ask that to any of the people who have changed our world forever, and although I doubt they realized the impact they were making, I doubt they let the voices of the cynics rule their thoughts and actions. To be sure, there were those who were trying to do the same thing, and so they were not the very first ones to do it (Walt Disney was not the first animator to put sound to his films). They were just the first ones to stand up to the opposition and spoke up louder than the others. Their message was the clearest and the most meaningful to the most people.

Yes, one person can make a difference. Yes, one person can change things. The changes are often not seen for years, if not decades, but yes, one person can change the world. They are the ones who fight and don't listen to all of the naysayers. They are the ones who believe in themselves, even when no one else believes in them.