Sometimes my boss irritates me. It isn't because she's a bad boss or that she's bad to work for. It's more that I think she places emphasis on things that, in my mind, simply do not matter. The worst part is that I know she is not alone.
Yesterday I attended a teaching conference for reading. We had lunch with several others from my school of which included my boss. I sat directly across from her; which I hate, because then I feel like I am not myself. She is not one to refrain from judgment on people, and I am well aware of this fact. She never says anything, but much like Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, it only takes one disapproving glance to know what she's thinking.
As we finished lunch, another teacher from our school passed by. My boss suddenly declared to the person sitting next to her, "Isn't she just the most darling thing you've ever seen? She is just as precious as can be." Thank God she didn't say it to me, because I don't know how I would have responded. What really bothers me is that I have a feeling that my boss may have hired her for her position not only because she's a great teacher, but also because she's "darling."
On my first day of teaching at this school, I had one day to set up my whole classroom. I had no idea what I was teaching or who my kids were. When my boss came in to see how things were, the main thing she concerned herself with was that a chair in the room did not match the rest of the furniture. Never mind that I was missing textbooks. Never mind that I was given the worst of the kids in the whole grade. No, my chairs didn't match, and that was a concern.
On the plus side of that, I decided that I didn't really need to worry about being perfect with my teaching because what she cared about was how the room looked.
To be fair, the organization of the room does matter to a certain extent. The structure of any room can make a big difference in a person's mental state, especially if they have ADD or ADHD, which I am fairly certain I have. I cannot function in a room that has too much going on. I just shut down. So my classroom is generally very well organized and I have defined areas for each task for the kids, which is as much for me as it is for them. But whether or not everything matches is just not important. No child cares if the room matches completely. Learning is what matters to me.
Almost all of the teachers that have been hired by my boss are pretty. Many of us are pretty and on the slim side, although I do not consider myself thin. If I thought they weren't hired largely because of their looks, I wouldn't mind, but I do.
The saddest part of this is that it is not unique. Countless stories are written about why some people are promoted over others because they are better looking. It's a deeply rooted, psychological barrier, but I don't think it's right.
Even in the classroom, preferences for friends are largely decided, at least for the girls, over whether or not they are pretty or thin. Sometimes the girls can be just downright rude and nasty.
I had one student last year who struggled with many of the girls in my room. They had long, flowing hair, stick thin legs, and the best of the best in clothes. She did not fit any of these standards; she was tall, slightly overweight and had shorter hair. She was a sad girl. I understood how the girl felt because even though I did have friends, I wasn't quite as delicately built, and although I had long hair, it wasn't well kept or beautiful.
I had lunch with this odd girl out. I took out a photo album of me when I was her age. In those pictures she saw a plump, awkward preteen who didn't know what to do about her hips that appeared overnight. She and I developed a bond that year, and as the year drew on, I watched her grow from an insecure overweight girl, to a funny, outgoing girl who didn't try to win boys' affections because she wasn't there yet and she just didn't care any longer if they liked her.
Maybe I am just a fighter for the underdog. I know how the underdog feels because I have felt like he/she often feels. So when my boss places emphasis on the artificial attributes of a person, I know that there are others out there who are probably better teachers, but are probably not up to her visual standards.
The fighter in me wants to scream at her and tell her how wrong she is, but instead I say nothing. She has often said that she likes me because I remind her so much of her younger self. I wonder how she can possibly know that. If she knew who I was, she probably wouldn't say that. If it were my school, I can certainly say that I would not worry over whether or not a teacher was cute, or the furniture didn't match. There's an underdog out there, and he/she is worth fighting for.
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