Advice from a Three Year Old

Before I start to tell this story, be warned; it's a little crass.

Nonetheless, it left me in stitches yesterday. Also, for those who don't know this, kids who have recently mastered the art of potty training are uber fascinated with all things related to using the bathroom. I remember my niece proudly proclaiming to a diner at a restaurant that she had just pooped! Of course, the poor patron didn't know what to say, but proud she was. I smiled apologetically as I led her back to our table. Yes, three year olds really are proud of what they can do.

Onward.

Yesterday B and I went out of town for a little while to the Outer Banks. We hiked all over Jockey's Ridge, a natural area of the island that has major sand dunes. Picture hiking in the desert, only it's surrounded by water. Afterward, we went and got some ice cream at a nearby gift shop. Then we went for a walk on the beach, and finally we headed to Pizzazz pizza on our way home.

At the end of our dinner of greasy cheese pizza and iced tea, I decided to use the Ladies room before our hour and a half drive back home.

In the restroom, a grandma and her granddaughter were in the stall next to me. And well, grandma surprised herself by passing a little bit of gas, and the following conversation developed.

Grandma: (having just tooted a little) Oh my!
Three year old: Are you okay? Are you okay?
Grandma: Yes, honey, I'm okay.
Three year old: You have to be ceeeaaaaareful grandma! You have to be careful! Grandma! Grandma?
Grandma: Yes, honey?
Three year old: You okay grandma?
At this point I imagine grandma was doing what she needed to do, but the granddaughter kept pressing her.
Three year old: You have to be careful....did you poop grandma?
Silence from grandma.
Three year old: Did you get it on your hands?
Silence from grandma.
Three year old: you gotta be careful grandma.
Silence, once again.
Three year old: Did you poop?
Silence.
Three year old: you know you have to be careful....did you poop?
Finally, grandma replies: Uh, yes, honey, just a little.
Three year old: Just a little bit?
Grandma: Yes, honey, just a little bit.
Three year old: well, you gotta be caaaareful, grandma.

At this point, I was washing my hands, and I started to giggle so much that I had to leave and take a deep breath so I wouldn't bust out laughing in the restaurant. Once we got in the car, as I retold the story to B, I was laughing so hard I cried.

So, take it from a three year old: when you use the bathroom, you must be very careful.

If you find this story to be just a little too gross, please forgive me, and forget you ever read it.