Tired of Doing All of the Work?

Are you tired of feeling like you do all of the cleaning in the house, and your husband does very little? 

Do you ever feel like no matter how much cleaning you have to do, there's always more, and so you feel stressed? 

Well, if you're one of thousands of wives across this country who can say yes, then just keep reading.

For just a few more minutes of your time, I can tell you, yes, YOU how to get him to help out cleaning. No more of those endless arguments about cleaning and responsibility. Put that Advil away, because I have the answer:

Threaten to get a maid.

Now, if your husband is as miserly as mine, (and whose isn't?) then all you have to do is sit right down during a quiet Sunday afternoon, preferably while he's into something like sports or reading, and just tell him that you're considering hiring a maid for the house, because the stress of cleaning is just too much. If he doesn't flinch, tell him how much it will cost. Even if it is your money, just the cost alone should make him squint. Sure, you might hear the words "ridiculous," or "stupid," but what you might end up getting: a renewed commitment to cleaning, which has to be demonstrated in order for the maid to disappear, and a trip to your favorite low-cost store Target, to buy all of the things you and he will need to keep your house clean. 

Yes, that's right. You need a carrot to dangle in front of his head. Find something that will get to his heart, and you will have a cleaner house.

**Void where prohibited. In certain cases in which the husband is a happy spender, or doesn't really care if you get a maid, this may not work. Fortunately for me, so far, it has.*** 

Happy

I have to say I am happy I took the summer off and did not teach. Usually I tutor or do a summer camp, but this year I decided that I would not teach. I have worked on my plans for the upcoming school year, but that's hardly the same thing as working with kids every day. I am most happy with not working because I think it has allowed me not to think about teaching, but to gain insight into myself, my husband, and my family and friends.  

Last spring, as the year wound down, I found myself reminding me to "let go." What that means is that sometimes I am afraid to do things, especially socially, because I have worries and anxieties about things, and I can think of many reasons why I shouldn't do something, when really I'm just making excuses to not do something. So I decided that I need to relax and not be so uptight about people and myself in certain situations. I have had a few friends who I have lost contact with, but for many years made many excuses for why I shouldn't try to get in touch with them. The primary reason was because I thought that if they wanted to talk to me, they would have already tried to get in touch. What I didn't realize is that they were thinking the same thing, and well, someone has to make the first move. So in my effort to "let go," I have regained some lost friends, and made some new ones. One of the friends who I recently contacted is in the area, so she and I are once again friends, and now that I am talking to her again, I see why we were so close years ago. She is smart, insightful, very quick to figure things out, and has a great sense of humor. Another friend I've made is a good friend to one of my best friends who also happens to live in the area. She is another person who will say what is on her mind and is okay with the repercussions of that. Now, being in my profession, there is no way I can completely let go in that way, but I like her because of her candid attitude and sense of humor.

One thing that I am starting to realize is that I shouldn't have to worry so much about what everyone thinks about what I say. I guess I became more worried because of the field I entered, teaching. I was warned by my supervising professor that I needed to be careful of what I say to others because it could be taken the wrong way, and could impact my career in a negative way. I do not dispute this fact, especially when working with others in my field; but I have let this bleed into every other part of my life. And while I'm not saying that I am throwing caution to the wind, or that I won't keep others' feelings in mind when I'm talking, but I also think that when I'm dealing with someone who is a true friend, I don't have to worry as much as I have. I have shied away from socializing with my co-workers because I didn't feel that I can be who I am, but now that I am more comfortable with being at my school, I am feeling less worried about such things--at least in social situations. At the end of the year the other teachers saw a different side of me, the drinking, laughing and talking non-stop side, and they were pleasantly surprised. 

Taking the summer off also allowed me to focus my attention on one of the most important parts of my life: Barry and I. When you work really hard and then fall asleep long before your husband, sometimes communication wanes, and when the summer first started I had a lot of things I needed to sort out in my mind with regard to us. Not to say that I wasn't happy, but I just needed to shift my attention to us. Without going into extensive detail, having this break has been very good for us, in many ways. 

Finally, I had one big realization that has been a guiding factor in deciding where I want to go with my career. I realized that a major reason why I hated being the grade level chair last year was because I hated being the one to cause unrest or unhappiness on my team. In conflict, I am usually the one who tries to bring peace to a conflict, not to create more drama or unhappiness. I thrive when I am helping others. I truly love making other people feel good, whether it's by doing something nice for them, or by teaching them in ways that make them successful. To that end, when I sense that I am causing harm or unhappiness to another, it really makes me unhappy, and it's a major reason why I can't stand it when my husband gets mad at me. I completely know and understand that it just isn't possible for things to be okay at all times, but I certainly don't like being the bearer of bad news. Even when I give a bad grade to someone, I write an encouraging note like "You can do this!" instead of "Study!" or something like that. So I have decided that I most definitely do not want to go into education administration. You may as well write a prescription for Zoloft while someone hires me to be a principal. I think I would be miserable. I would hate for everyone to be mad at me all the time. I know that there's always one person who will never be satisfied, but still, why beg for it? So, in considering the EdS program at UVA, I think it would be a good choice for me. I know even with that I can't make everyone happy, but teaching others how to read is an amazing job to have. 

So yeah, it's been a good summer. ;)

Olympics

I have been one of millions, perhaps billions, who have been watching the Olympics every night since the opening ceremony. Every single time I watch any competition in which there is the judgment of a human involved, I truly believe this whole competition is rigged. For the past few nights I have been watching synchronized diving and gymnastics, both of which involve the judgment of people and not clocks. Now I am not saying that the Chinese have not been doing well in both sports, but I also think their scores have been purposely inflated. 

For instance, while watching syncro-diving, two little Chinese girls delicately lifted off of the platforms making the same motions and sinking quietly into the pool with a ring of bubbles around their feet as they sank in. When the sportscaster reviewed the dive, I did not see perfection. I saw two little girls whose arms were not aligned with each other. One girl entered the water a little bit later, and even at that, their bodies were not angled the same as they entered the water. However, had you just listened to the sportscaster, you would have believed that one, not two, little girls entered the water, for their positions were so well synchronized. Coincidentally, the judged happened to agree with her, and they received several 9's, which I believe are like 10's in diving. Okay, so their scores were high. Let's see how the US does. Same dive, same slight errors, BUT did they receive any 9's? Most certainly not. They were docked points for the same errors I mentioned above, and they received scores they should have received, like a 7.5 and such. Dost my eyes deceive me, or is this really rigged? One thing I know I should mention is that during the Cold War, I clearly remember eastern block judges inflating scores for their competitors, so this is nothing new. I guess that since there are so few "communists" in their company this time around, the rigging is much more glaring.

I wonder if this will come out after the games end. I would think that after all of the journalists exit from the tightly controlled grips of the police state that is China, there will be stories of judges being paid off by China to give their teammates higher scores. If they can fake fireworks because of their smog issues, and if they can have a girl lip-sync at the opening ceremony, I'm sure they planned to have China come out on top, at all costs. Perhaps this is a message to the rest of the world: China is unstoppable because whenever they can, they will make the playing field in their favor. If this is how they play in sports, imagine what they will do if they become an enemy of the US. We will be talking about hegemony to the nth degree, but it won't be the US who's doing it.

B has created a monster

Today B showed me how to import all of my CD music onto my iPod. Yes, I know, I'm way behind the times. BUT, now that I know how to do it, I want to import EVERYTHING! I'm addicted now. Best part is that I have so much music to choose from when I exercise and travel. :) Wheee!

Just a reflection

I am always amazed by what people can endure and by their seeming ability to cope with extraordinary adversity. There is a family at my church in which the father suffers from Muscular Dystrophy (or at least that is what I think, because I have never asked). He has a wife and a small boy who is three and a half years old. The father struggles to walk, to speak to convey any emotions whatsoever. He cannot speak, although he can hum and convey some sounds. I have no doubt that his mind struggles to speak, but his body just won't work with him. 

I sat next to the family today and I was just amazed by how wonderful his wife is. There she was, sitting there with her little boy (who, by the way was SO WELL behaved, I was amazed), putting a cardboard pirate's eye patch on him, handing him little plastic gold coins, and at the same time continuously pointing at the program, showing her husband where they were in the service. Each time the congregation rose to say a prayer, she helped to lift her husband, while holding her son's hand. Her husband is at least six inches taller than her, but there she was, bracing his back to help him stand, and holding onto her son at the same time. She is raising a son and taking care of her husband, which I'm sure requires great patience and strength. I'm sure that's also why she goes to church. Sometimes when we have no one else to lean on, church can be a refuge. 

As I watched her, I was in awe; so much so, that it brought tears to my eyes when I thought about what she was doing. To watch her do this gracefully and with a smile made me wonder, how does she do it? I would like to think that I could be as patient, kind and good-spirited as she is, but then again, I would think even she hits her limits at times. Still, if that's the case, she really keeps it all together. I don't know what her husband would do without her, for she is not only taking care of her son, but also her husband. I don't know why we are given what we are, but it's amazing to see what some people can do in the face of adversity. I think she must be used to her role in the family; as she sat there she and I talked a little about her son, and she smiled and laughed, and my awe of her only increased. 

People tend to complain about the lives they lead. We complain about our husbands because they don't do this or that. We complain because we want to feel appreciated. But as I could see with this woman, sometimes we do have to accept what's been given to us, and do the best we can with what we have. I can complain about B teasing me, and my friends can complain about the work their husbands don't do, but at least my husband can speak. At least he is able to walk without my support. If something happened where he could not do these things, I only hope for humility, grace, patience and compassion. 

Progress

Sometimes we do things we don't really mean to do, but they just happen; and sometimes we choose to just let things go and let things be. This past year I had allowed myself to stop exercising as much as I used to. Perhaps it was burnout from trying to be in shape for my wedding, or I just simply just let that go. My gym is right down the road from my school, I used to go afterschool on my way home. Much of that stopped once I became grade level chair for my team. When I took the position I thought it meant going to a meeting every once in a while. HA! I have since given up the position for next year, and when I talked to the girl who would be taking over that job (I offered it to her), I told her that it was far more than just one meeting. Actually, I would say it is probably one of the worst positions to have in a school. You are expected to issue out commands from the boss, but you have absolutely no control over any of the decisions that are made. Unfortunately, the other teachers think that you DO have control, when really you have none. It was way more than I wanted, and I wanted my life back. 

So this summer my main goals were to get back in shape and get my eating habits under control. As soon as I got back from Disney I started exercising more, and I could feel the difference immediately--at least in my muscle tone. I didn't really start to get my eating habits under control until last week, and this week I have been eating a ton more veggies, lean protein, whole grains and no starch. Oh, and I've been drinking a ton of water. Wow! What a difference that can make! I used to eat and exercise like that before I moved to VA Beach, but with life being as chaotic as it was, some things just fell to the wayside. And finally, when I put on my shorts, in a size 10, they are once again loose! I have this one skirt in a size 6, and it's no longer as tight...so even though I am just trying to be healthier, my body is showing its appreciation. That does feel good!

Opportunities and dreams

I recently completed Andy Pausch's "The Last Lecture." I read it in about 2 days and the whole time I read it I kept thinking about how much I wished everyone would read his words. The twist to the whole book is that it was written for his kids. If, as a consequence, someone else learned something from it, then I'm sure he was happy, but I don't think that was the ultimate point for him. Nonetheless, it has forced me to examine my own dreams and to look at where I am in my own life. Last night B asked me what my dreams really were, since he thought that mine was to work for Disney (which I did, but I still feel incomplete as far as that goes). 

To backtrack a little: the night before I had finished Pausch's book. I really started to think about his message about going for those dreams we've made. I have to say that as a child, I didn't have too many dreams. I wanted to be an astronaut or a teacher. I LOVED learning all about Science, and I still have a latent passion for all things space-related. In my mind, I think there's still a chance that I could go into space one day, even if it isn't as an astronaut. That's still a dream of mine. But ever since I was in grad school, I have had an INTENSE desire to study, of all things, the brain. I based my graduate work on the brain and how the brain functions in relation to learning. So, on that same night when I finished the book, I went to the computer to look up this guy, Eric Jensen, who is a guru on brain-based teaching. I went onto his website and he had many reasons for why he can help an organization, which didn't really float my boat. I'm not interested in a sales person. BUT, he did mention how Harvard has a graduate program on Mind, Brain and Education. As soon as I read this, my heart started thumping faster and I zoned in like a laser, and off to Harvard's website I went.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know that such a school is a total long shot for me. Yes, I actually do have a high enough GPA from my graduate work (and yes that ONE lousy B, which dropped me down to a 3.94 still kills me, because I am a perfectionist), but still, it's Harvard.  Not only is it Harvard, but I know that part of the admission process is about what I can do for them, not just what they can do for me. Still though, to take a class with Howard Gardner, or to actually work in Project Zero, an institute with the grad school of ed, would be amazing. That is my nerdy dream. 

So anyway, I told B about it, and since he's always wanted to go to Boston, he didn't really flinch. Actually, the next night he asked me if studying the brain was really what I wanted to do. And yes, it is. He then said that since he didn't really have any major dreams to aspire to (which I think is fine), then maybe at least one of us could get to achieve our dreams. Just thinking this makes me tear up, because that is why I married him. I also told him that while that is a dream, I have others, like having kids and a nice home. So while I realize that I have some dreams, they conflict with others I have. Not that I can't have kids and study the brain, but it would mean uprooting for a year and then moving again....but this is all assuming I have a prayer in you know where of getting in (I do know of a grad student from JMU who did go on to Harvard, so I know it's not that far fetched).

At the same time as I started to look into this, I have also been looking at getting my EdS in Reading Education through UVA. They have a center here in VB, so I can get my EdS through Curry here in town. I plan to take one class starting in September, and formally applying during the fall semester. I have been in touch with the contact for the program, and she assured me that they would look at my grad work first before looking at anything else (and I have to say that I am so happy I worked SO HARD in grad school. I didn't want to just get my master's. I wanted to be great at what I did, so I worked really hard). So I have to wonder, could it be possible that I could actually get my EdS through UVA, and somehow finagle myself in the MBE program in some way at Harvard? I know UVA has a great reputation amongst other schools, so I wonder if I could somehow do that, so that I don't have to totally uproot and leave the area if we don't want to? Also, I can get my school system to pay for my classes, so that's obviously a major bonus. Maybe that is what I will do, and maybe I will let them know that in my essay for why I want to go there.

One funny thing to add on to this: when I was in high school I had basically resigned myself to the fact that I sucked at math. I had let everyone convince me that I was no good, and I bought into it. So when I took the SATs and I saw all the math questions, I can honestly say that I guessed on most of them. So to say that I guessed on the math SAT and still got a 500 is pretty good. Imagine what I could have done if I had tried? So, in college I actually found out that I COULD do math, and I started to get As and Bs. So fast forward a few years, and I'm looking at the practice GRE. I jumped straight to the quantitative section, since I now know that that's what I need to study, and not the verbal section. Well, even though I didn't learn some of the math in high school, now that I have taught math, I now know how to do the problems, and I'm not totally lost in it. Since I had to teach it, I had to learn it first (go figure!), so now I even know how to find the area of a cylinder! So maybe there is hope for me, just yet. I guess I'll find out when I take the GRE.

I always tell others that when opportunities are presented to you, you take them. Even if you find them, and they don't come to you, go for it! I think perhaps I need to follow my own advice. 

Lesson learned the hard way

Reminder to self: if you go on a sweat inducing walk/run of three miles when there's high humidity and it's already in the 80s by 11am, be sure to eat plenty of protein and drink plenty of water afterwards. If not, be sure to have several Advil ready, as well as food that's ready to eat (thank goodness I picked up a rotisserie chicken while I was at the store).

I thought I had enough water, but after stumbling through my house with a blinding headache I saw my water bottle and it wasn't nearly empty enough. So I chugged away. And apparently just eating a Boca burger and salad isn't enough sustenance after said walk. OH AND don't then go to school and start pushing furniture around and follow that up with an iced coffee. Geeze! We all do stupid things, and this definitely counts.

So okay, lesson learned. Ugh.

One more thing

After going to the beach for the second time today B and I went to the store to get some crablegs and beer. While at the checkout counter the cashier asked for my ID. I said "sure" and gave it to her. She quickly glanced at it and then said, "Woooooow! 1977? Woooooow!" I looked at B and started laughing and said, "Yep, it's official. We're old." I actually take it as a compliment because I know I look younger than I am, so "Thanks to you Kroger teen! You just made my day!"

Ha.

Itty bitty baby steps

We bought a surf board the other week. The first day we had it, I barely got past the waves as there was a strong rip current from a hurricane out at sea. Actually I got pummeled by one wave that actually caused the board to hurt me, so I was a little freaked out by that.

Today I got back out and paddled around, but the feel of the board was a lot to get used to...oh, and there wasn't nearly nearly enough wax on the board so I was sliding everywhere on the board...I didn't catch anything, but I really didn't try...just had to get a feel for it. Hopefully next time, now that I know the feel of it, I will feel comfortable and more likely to try and catch some waves.

I guess for me it just takes baby steps. I guess that will have to do. :)