Ah, kids

As adults we all have stories about our parents, about all of the bad things they said to us, or all of the times we got in trouble or were yelled at; and then as we get older, we harbor resentment and feel as though we got jipped. I wonder though, how bad were our childhoods, really? Is it just that kids tend to focus on the negative, especially if they are raised in more negative households? I ask this because the more I work with kids, the more I realize how much of a raw deal we as adults get.  

Last year I had a student who had a lot going against him. He wanted to do well in school, but let's just say he only had but so much grey matter to help him learn. Despite this, I encouraged him on a daily basis. I called on him every single time he wanted to answer a question, even if he was wrong, and I always gave him the proverbial pat on the back, no matter how miserably he failed when he tried to recall the most basic of facts. Yet despite this, in March of last year I had a meeting with his parents who said I was too negative with him because he got a note home after a day of misbehavior. I pointed out to the parents that although that may have been what their son remembered, the reality is that I was very encouraging and patient with him, and I was one of his biggest cheerleaders. BTW, he passed his standardized tests that year, and it was the first time he had ever passed reading and social studies. Something I did worked. But what he remembered was when he had that note sent home. I became a "mean" teacher even though I was just doing what any teacher would have done. Oh, and during the whole school year I sent home TWO notes. TWO. He just happened to be the lucky recipient.

So fast forward to this year. I have a student who is an awesome girl. She is bright, outgoing and energetic. She has a tendency to want to be the mother hen, even though that is not her job. At the beginning of the year she was pointing out what the others kids WERE NOT doing, and she pointed out that something I said was wrong. I quietly pulled her aside and told her that she needed to focus on what people were doing well, and to let me handle things when kids were not doing what they should. Aside from that, she participates, writes songs, does all kinds of things, AND she was student of the week. Alas, when she went to see her old teacher from last year, she told her about the beginning of the year and trying to not get into people's business, and how I had a talk with her. She didn't mention being student of the week or anything else. She focused on the negative. So I guess this is why teachers will go negative on kids. If all they remember is the negative, then what is the point in being positive at all? Of course I know the answer. I know that someday they will look back and know that I wasn't so bad, that they weren't being fair, as I have demonstrated in the above paragraph. 

It's hard though. I really try to be positive and supporting, but that doesn't mean that I won't have words with kids, and that doesn't mean that they get to do what they want whenever they want. There are rules and boundaries, and they know where they are with me. And if I say something (I'm not a yeller), then that does not make me mean.